You Win

If this wasn't an honest appraisal of my life, then it's worthless - and I don't want this to be worthless.

Whether I'm recommending investments or letting you in on my otherwise private thoughts, there is a sense that this is an opening of my mind, such as it is, and hence, the title.

I'll stand by my investment recommendations, DelTaco and Extreme Networks among them, and so let's move beyond that and delve into the inner workings of my (egad) mind.

Love has eluded me over the years, and it continues to do so.  I find it oddly interesting that so many have found it so easily, while it betrays me at every turn.  It's at the point now where I see someone and think, "Oh well, that's never going to happen."  The sense of doom is paramount. 

Lately, I thought that the soul mate that I so desperately seeked was in Alabama, of all places.  As it turned out, she was there physically, but not there in form or spirit.  I don't mind telling you because it doesn't seem to matter now, as she has surreptitiously disappeared from my life.  One is left to "go figure."  It would appear that she has gone back to the future ex-whatever who has mistreated her over the years, and my best efforts to reconcile that situation have fallen on both deaf ears and mind.

I'm taking a big chance in going public with this, but I have not "named names" or otherwise implicated anyone who doesn't already know whom she is.  Plus, the fact is that I've gone all "Larry David" and no longer care who finds what I say or think, so I'm going to say what I think and - as it were - fuck you if you're offended.  So, go ahead and be offended.

I am nearly 60 years old now, and as a mature adult, I have come across situations that require attention and at this point in my life, I will not bow to social pressure or succumb to what society thinks is acceptable.  

The fact that I am nearly 60 weighs on me, and it causes me to think about the goals that I had when I was 40 years younger, and naive enough to think that those goals would come to fruition.

I'm not asking for help.  I am giving up.  It has been over 40 years of searching and wanting, and frankly - it's exhausting. Emotionally and physically exhausting. For those of you who have found your so-called "soul mate," Congratulations.  I'm done. You win life's lottery.  The rest of us are stuck buying tickets.

I thought it might be a ticket to Alabama, but they don't have a state lottery, so I suppose I was duped again.