A heart-shaped paper cut.

"I almost wish there weren't a holiday season. I know nobody likes me. Why do we have to have a holiday season to emphasize it?"

- Charlie Brown, "A Charlie Brown Christmas"

Thursday is Valentine's Day. Thursday is Valentine's Day. Thursday is Valentine's Day. Jesus Christ Almighty - Thursday is Valentine's Day!

It's impossible to go ten minutes with the radio, TV or newspaper without some dimwit reminding us that Thursday is Valentine's Day. If there is a person alive who forgets or neglects to buy something for "that special someone" in their life, they should be roundly beaten with a blunt object.

It could be worse. I could be in a wheelchair and be constantly reminded that running shoes are on sale. I could be blind and have to listen to notices of a big book sale at Barnes and Noble, or I could be deaf and have to read all about the Grammy Awards.

Actually, I'm not deaf and I couldn't care less about the Grammy Awards. But I digress.

It could be worse, but not much worse. Valentine's Day marks the end of the four months of Hell for desparately single people all over the world. Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year's Eve and now this. One-third of the year pissed away.

I think the marketing for Valentine's Day has gotten worse over the past 5 years. Retailers and florists smell blood in the water, and they're smart enough to know that it's not a religious holiday, so they can boldly say "Valentine's Day" without offending anyone's spiritual beliefs. Otherwise, they have to be careful around the "Holiday season" so that Jews, Muslims or Atheists aren't offended. Come to think of it, Atheists invented Christmas, so you really can't offend them. But I digress.

When I was a kid in grammar school, everybody in the class got little Valentine's. It didn't matter much whether you were friends with someone, they got a card. In fact, it was something of a ritual. I remember counting up all the girls in the class so that I wouldn't forget anyone. Even Mildred. You could figure out what Mildred looked like just by knowing her name. Kids aren't named Mildred anymore.

Now, as a supposedly modern adult, you have to be in a relationship with someone to give them a card or send them flowers. At least that's what I tell myself, since I've never gotten a card or flowers from a "secret admirer". It's tough to find a card that doesn't have some romantic sentiment or spout something about Love. Besides, what's the point? The women I'd give the cards to are either married, seeing someone or not interested. Hence the issue.

Valentine's Day is the focal point for realizing that there is no one special in my life and hasn't been for quite some time. I have modern advertising to thank for a constant reminder, and it begins sooner every year. The push starts around the second of January. When the non-Christians get pissed because people say "Merry Christmas", they have an action group that forms and writes letters to the editor, and cry Foul! because their personal freedom is being encroached upon. Lonely single people just have to suck it up. We're good at it.

Thursday marks the end of another season of being reminded of how the holidays are for kids and couples, and if you're not either of those, you can just get out of the way while people spend money on stuff that marketing people tell them they should. Because, after all, if you fuck up on one of the holidays, you'll never hear the end of it.
And it only gets worse.

Not very funny today.

Sorry.

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Don't forget, Thursday is Valentine's Day.