Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Sometimes there just aren't enough E's

I love a good snack. Life is good when snacks are good, and Cheez Doodles are good. Forget everything you learned about spelling or proper grammar - they're Cheez Doodles. Doodles made of cheez.
Wise is one of those eastern snack food companies that people out west pay to have shipped to them, like Tastykake's and Herr's chips. It seems that the northeast is the capital of snack foods. Everybody has to be good at something.
So, imagine my surprise when I picked these out of the snack food machine at work ...
... INTERLUDE:
There is no more pensive moment in one's life than that second or two between the time we press C1 and the little spiral thingy spins and we wait ... wait ... in hopes that the bag of Cheez Doodles will find its way to the trough below and not be hung-up in snack Purgatory ... the little spiral thingy still attached to a part of the bag ... clinging to hope against hope that its bag-life will not soon end. It is at that point that we seek out the largest person in the office to give the machine a brief, yet firm shake to jar loose the bag from its spiral thingy clutches. Hey, fifty cents is at stake here.
... INTERLUDE CONCLUDED.
So, now that I have the bag, I notice that they are proclaimed the Cheeeeeziest ever! [5 e's and a giant exclamation point] cheese flavored corn snack. Now I'm thinking, "what sort of crap have I been eating for the last 15 years?" If they had this Cheeeeeziest technology, why were they holding it back? Maybe I shouldn't be so critical, since further bag reading leads me to the fact that there are 0g of trans fat. Three years ago I would have scoffed at the very notion of trans fat, now I'm overjoyed at zero grams, but I digress.
I scoffed down my doodles, and yes, they did appear to be the cheeeeeziest ever, but I have a short memory for cheeeeezy. Besides, I noticed that cheeeeez wasn't even the number one ingredient in the doodle, so I figure that there is more cheeeeez where that came from. Cheddar cheese is number four, behind corn meal, vegetable oil and whey.
Oh, gang at Wise, hear my plea. If you are withholding more cheeeeezy technology, stop messing with me. I can take more cheeeeez. Cheeeeez can move ahead of whey as far as I'm concerned. I want the cheeeeez.
Just give it to me.
Pleeeeez.
Cheez Doodle haiku:
Pleez don't skimp on cheez.
It's my fondest snack food wish.
More cheez, less doodle.

4 comments:

Ladyred said...

LOVE the haiku!

I myself am an Utz fan. Voted number 1 by Rachel Ray! *pseudo-barf* Gotta have the Crab chip. Yum!

*combining my comments, at least a few*

Candy cigarettes....yum I used to "smoke" em when I was little. That was in no way the reason why I picked up smoking. Actually I'd rather have "smoked" the candy ones than the other, but I've since quit so....

You get nervous driving the roads on the bike? I'm seriously taking a look into it since reviewing my spendage. I ate out and had gas a lot. Er I mean had to buy gas heh. I try to do all my errands when I'm in town (since I live on the island) so I don't have to suck up so much gas. But the truck barely gets a week out of the tank. I need to cut back, but I also need to get to work. The roads here are not very bike-friendly. I do see people riding, but not much.

howard said...

It absolutely surprised me how many of our regional snack brands (especially chips and such) are coveted across the country. It's almost cult-like.

And of course, I loved the haiku, which reminded me (for some reason) of the following:

"The poets have been mysteriously silent on the subject of cheese."
-G.K. Chesterton

Anthony said...

red: I'm not as nervous on the road as I should be, which is perhaps the right thing, since drivers smell fear.

howard: We do seem to cherish our "junk food" in the Delaware Valley. Crab fries, cheese steaks, soft pretzels ... I know other parts of the country have their own regional favorites, but ours seem to have a little more character.
Cheese is such a useful poetic word, it's surprizing that more ode's aren't written to it.

Sparky Duck said...

Chester the Cheetah and Fritos are going to be suing wise, I could have sworn they were the cheeziest.

mmm crab chips and CRAB FRIES