The softening of society, Part 1

Candy cigarettes predispose children who play with them to smoke the real things later, new research concludes. The look-alikes made of candy or gum are marketing and advertising tools that desensitize kids and open them moreso to the idea of smoking later on, says study leader Jonathan Klein of the University of Rochester. Candy cigarettes cannot be considered simply as candy, Klein said.

22 percent of current or former smokers had also regularly consumed candy cigarettes, while only 14 percent of those who have never smoked had eaten or played with candy cigarettes often or very often.

OK, Jon, count me in with the 14 percenters. Actually, 22 percent versus 14 percent sounds inconclusive to me, but then, I'm not a paid "study leader". When I was a kid (when dinosaurs roamed the earth) I remember going to the little general store and buying giant bubble gum cigars. They even had little paper bands. I also bought little paper toy cigarettes that blew a little puff of "smoke" when I blew through it.

We had candy cigarettes in a little paper box. They were spearmint or peppermint flavored, and brittle. They snapped in half when we bit into them. I like candy, and luckily for me, I can tell the difference between candy and a cigarette. The candy ones had bubble gum inside or were hard and brittle like - umm - candy. I have never tried to light a Clark bar, and I don't smoke Butterfinger's. They're crispety, crunchety and peanut-buttery! Cigarettes are made from tobacco. It isn't that I'm so smart, it's just that I have keen senses of taste and smell. Add to that the fact that both my mom and dad smoked cigarettes, yet I do not. There's a study for ya.

I don't smoke and never have. Cigarette smoke repulses me and I don't care to be around people who smoke. Pipe smoke is slightly less offensive, and I really don't see the appeal of cigars, either.

I would ask Mr. Klein why we cannot consider candy to be simply candy. Perhaps the 25,887 adults you surveyed should have been asked additional questions, such as ... Are you easily persuaded by the opinions of others? Do you have a phallic fascination with having something in your mouth at all times? Or simply, do you like to smoke cigarettes?

If the answer to any or all of those questions is "yes", then maybe candy is just candy. If it wasn't, then I would probably be typing this with one hand and flicking a butt with the other.

Who pays for this crap? Maybe if we followed the money (as the saying goes) we could find out what the point of this is. Otherwise, it strikes me as yet another way that we over-protect kids, which I believe only serves to soften them to the harsh realities of life. Sadly, they (and we) won't know the full detrimental effects of such protectionism until they are well into adulthood and appear to be shocked, offended or disappointed by the things that the real world throws at them on a regular basis. Without mom and dad to protect them they will be forced to fend for themselves.

Candy cigarettes are the tip of the iceberg. These soft bastards have it easy. When I was a kid, we rode bicycles without helmets, rode in cars without seat belts, walked a mile to get the school bus - also without a seat belt, went in swimming 10 minutes after eating lunch, inhaled second-hand smoke in the front seat of mom's car, rode our bicycles behind the mosquito spray truck, played baseball without a cup, never washed our hands or used "anti-bacterial" goop, listened to Black Sabbath, watched TV from two feet away - including cigarette ads, ate Pixie Stix straight from the tube until our lips were blue and ... screw that Home Alone kid - we were the original Latchkey Kids.

So eat your candy cigarettes and shut up.