Monday night and other things

Oh, the woeful display that the once sacred Monday Night Football has become. Now that Sunday night has replaced Monday as the "Football Night in America", the shell of its former self is now on broad display on ESPN whether we want it or not. Remember, the E stands for Entertainment. However, the S stands for sports, and that's the element that is often sorely lacking. What was Charles Barkley's purpose in the booth, other than trashing the Philadelphia sports fans? Get a grip, Chuck. And shut up, there's a football game going on.

I still say, and will continue to say, that Suzi Kolber belongs in the booth and Tony Kornheiser belongs on the field, or as far away from the booth as we can get him and still justify his paycheck. Either that or eliminate the third man fifth wheel in the booth altogether. The producers are still living off the history of Don Meredith and the fun he brought to the game. Meanwhile, viewers (and fans) have had to endure Dan Dierdorf, Dennis Miller and now, Kornheiser, a guy I've never learned anything from about sports.

Monday night's great Tony K insight came in the first quarter (why waste time) when Eagles placekicker David Akers lined up a field goal. "What is he, a hundred?", clueless Tony chimed in, forgetting that silence is also an expression. He was quickly corrected that it was Akers' ninth year in the league, making him a kid by kicker standards. Tony, if you don't have anything to say, then say it. That's a motto. Stop trying so hard to stand out and try blending in. It's a good career move. And while you're at it, stop picking on Philadelphia's sports fans. You harped on it with Barkley until I was ready to reach through the screen and grab a piece of your throat.

And then, supposedly as a bonus, Tony joins fellow nitwit Michael Wilbon for "PTI at the Half", as though we couldn't wait until tomorrow for their pearls of wisdom. Oy. You're not pardoned.

Speaking of television, I couldn't let the Prime Time Emmy Awards go by without a word or fifty. Remind me again who this guy was that won the Emmy for best actor in a comedy series. Remind me who watches this show, how many people have HBO to begin with, why HBO and other pay cable channels are involved in this at all and exactly who does the voting? Cable used to have their own awards show, The Cable Ace Awards, but I suppose that franchise was bought out by network TV, so now we have millions of people scratching their heads, wondering what Entourage is or thinking, "Maybe I'll rent The Sopranos' first season" or even [God forbid] wondering, "Who in Hell is Ricky Gervais?" Sorry Ricky, but you gotta know.

Speaking of football, there are a few things that bug me about the game. First is the strange touchdown rule. You can wave the ball over the line as you're running out of bounds, as long as the ball crosses the line, or you knock over that plastic pilon, and it's a touchdown. However, if you catch it in the end zone, you have to have both feet in bounds for it to be 6 points. What happened to that odd geometry "ball crosses the plane of the goal line" rule? Two feet=touchdown. No feet waving the ball=touchdown. One foot=fourth down.

The quarterback can legally spike the ball to stop the clock when his team is running out of time and time-outs. However, if he throws it forward without benefit of an eligible receiver, it's "intentional grounding", and a penalty with loss of down. Explain.

Then, there's the "Icing the kicker" timeout that always intrigues me. The kicker has been standing on the sidelines contemplating this life-altering kick for fifteen minutes. Finally, his time comes, presumably with the game on the line. The kicking team rushes out on the field. Time is running out and the pressure is on. What does the opposing coach do? He calls a time-out. Supposedly to make the kicker choke up and think about what he's about to do. I'm thinking that it gives the kicker a moment to relax and collect his thoughts, organize his players and execute the kick, but I'm strange that way. Last night, it gave the Redskins time to organize their offense, call a play and score a touchdown.

Both feet in.