My two cents on soap and soap by-products

Yesterday, I got a page hit from The Soap and Detergent Association over that advice column for men in the bathroom.

I can imagine their External Relations department, doing their regular ask.com searches to see how the blogs are treating the gang and, fa-foomf! Up pops the blog. Twice now.

What a joy it must be for them to mingle amongst the Mr. Woodcock post and the Homer Simpson quotes. It's just the tip of the iceberg, SDA.

I didn't want to make it sound like I'm anti-soap. I use it almost every day. So, as a repeat user, I think you owe it to me to take my advice on soap. Consider this my open letter to the Soap and Detergent Association:

First, let's put some sort of industry-wide ban on putting soap in boxes and then wrapping the box in plastic. Once it's wrapped in plastic, the job is done. There is no need to wrap a box in plastic - especially if it's soap. We make enough trash. Let's try making less. Every little box is important.

While we're at it, can we get the supermarket owners to stop making their cashiers break open a separate plastic bag for the soap? The stuff is wrapped up like a tomb, sitting next to something else that is wrapped up like a tomb. What could happen? Save a bag.

I think you should make it a priority to develop and use a sealed container that dissolves when it is placed in water. Then, you'd have the perfect bio-degradable product. 0% post-consumer content. Less cardboard and plastic in landfills and a really nice green image for the people who make soap. I don't think it's the most difficult problem to solve, and it would make a keen TV ad.

I wish you could make the soap manufacturers come up with better names for the fragrances of their soap. How would I know what a Forest Stream smells like? Or an Early Morning Mist? It's probably the same guy who comes up with those Eddie Bauer colors. What in Hell is Russet, Dark Thyme and Taupe Heather? Whatever happened to white, green and red? But I digress.

And, by the way, I know that earlier this year, Procter & Gamble changed the shape of the soap bars and reduced the size by 11% (from 4.5 to 4.0 ounces). Did they reduce the price by 11%? I think not. Don't you have industry standards? It's bad enough that the thing shrinks up to a tiny soap blade, you don't need to make the bars smaller to start with. Get them to stop that.

And don't ever let them stop making Ivory soap. Every once in a while, we need to get back to something that has been used for generations. Life is complicated and getting more so every day. Things we take for granted are still relatively new. iPods, cell phones and DVD players are a hair's width on history's time line. Every once in a while, I like the old soap. Something that I know exactly what it is and I don't have to wonder if I'm going to be infested with some crap from China. Sometimes, I just want the plain white one.

That's all I have on soap. Detergent I couldn't care less about. Pick a tablet, throw it in, start the machine. Don't go changing.