What Am I Doing Now?

I'm on Where's George, which, several of you may think is some sort of tracking device for the idiot son of our 41st president ... but, no. It's a tracking device for dollar bills that are stamped with the distinctive Where's George stamp. I came up with one at a local Wawa store near My Sick Headquarters and logged it in here.

Otherwise, my day has been spent rehearsing for my potential appearance on Deal or No Deal. I'm memorizing all the numbers ... 1 through 26. Labor intensive, I know, but I think it may pay off in the end. I'm also practicing my OCD-induced-fist-handshake so Howie won't hate me.

Meanwhile, political dumbass John Kerry shot himself (and the party) in the foot (or ass) with his stupid remark about either being educated or "stuck in Iraq", which prompted some Minnesota National Guard members in Iraq to scrawl out this inspired sign:Oy. John ... be a fountain, not a drain.

And then...
SYDNEY, Nov 2 (Reuters Life!) - Size really does count, just ask Australian underwear maker AussieBum which has just launched the "Wonderjock" for men who want to look bigger.

They have discovered a new Wonder Down Under.

"The design of the underwear, separates and lifts. The fabric cup protrudes everything out in front instead of down toward the ground," said "Wonderjock" designer Sean Ashby. Separates and lifts? Geez. Ashby said the idea for the "Wonderjock" was the result of online feedback from customers who expressed an interest in looking bigger, just like women using the "Wonderbra."

First, you idiot, it's not like women wearing the Wonderbra. Nobody outside of a carnival sideshow wants to see giant junk, your "feedback" notwithstanding. So, what ... are we supposed to wear this on the outside?

I have several sensible, modern female readers. Is this what you're looking for?