What is it now?

I hear tell that one way to make money on the Internet is through something called Domain Flipping. What is Domain Flipping, you ask?

As with tangible real estate, you can buy virtual plots (URL addresses), flip them and make a buck. GoDaddy.com sells unused domain names for under $10 apiece. To attract buyers, run tests to determine how often certain key words are searched so that you can demonstrate the likelihood that your URL will show up in a Google or Yahoo! search.

Jumping Jesus, if I had a nickel for every stupid Jaime Pressly search that ended up here or some Paula Creamer jackass looking for "hairy arms" photos or whatever other demented fetish dream they had, I wouldn't have to work anymore. And how I missed out on that whole Alycia Lane fiasco is beyond me. I didn't make a nickel off it, and I'm pissed.

Speaking of which:

That's right America, they're still playing golf. In Alabama, of all places. And Paula's wiping the floor with them, but it's only Friday, so I'll keep from gloating until the final results are in.

She has a five-stroke lead, but somebody named Annika is lurking about, so we'll keep this whole thing in perspective until the 18th hole on Sunday.

Did you know there's a whole cable channel devoted to golf? It's called The Golf Channel. Go figure.

Imagine my surprise to find that I had Monday off from work. [Go ahead, imagine it] Honestly, I had no idea until about 10am on Friday. I can envisage my reaction when I sped to work on Monday morning, wondering where all the traffic was and wandered into the parking lot wondering where all the cars were. Like the Griswold's in Vacation - "First ones here." Idiots.

Now, at least, I get to sleep on Monday morning, which in the end, is the ultimate gift that all these holiday honorees bestow upon us working stiffs. Christopher Columbus, The Continental Congress, Our forefathers, the military, the Pilgrims, one of our Gods (the one on our money), the Romans (the alleged creators of the calendar) and modern holiday marketing (for those of us fortunate enough to have Black Friday off) - have all given us the gift of an extra couple hours of sleep and the added convenience of not having to put up with the dolts who run our chosen place of employment for one day.

Were it not for all of that, I would probably have either sawed off a shotgun and put it in my mouth or taken a handful of prescription drugs to bring a gracious (if not messy) end to my seemingly endless life of drudgery.

So, thanks.