Wednesday, April 15, 2009

A show about nothing.

GEORGE: I think I can sum up the show for you with one word: Nothing.
RUSSELL: Nothing?
GEORGE: Nothing.
RUSSELL: What does that mean?
GEORGE: The show is about nothing.
JERRY: (to George) Well, it's not about nothing.
GEORGE: (to Jerry) No, it's about nothing.
JERRY: Well, maybe in philosophy. But, even nothing is something
I didn't want to draw any more attention to it than necessary, but now that it's over I can write about it.
The National Football League and their evil stepchild, The NFL Network made a 2-hour TV show out of the release of the 2009 NFL schedule. Seriously. It made me think of the exchange in the Seinfeld episode called "The Pitch" where George is pitching the idea of a show about nothing to NBC:
GEORGE: What'd you do today?
NFL Network: We released the schedule of our games.
GEORGE: There's a show! That's a show!
NFL Network: How is that a show? It's just a list of games.
GEORGE: Oh, it's a show, baby. People love that stuff. Win-loss-win-win ... They eat it up. Here's another idea. What happens when those guys get ready for the draft?
NFL Network: You mean The Combine? They run around in circles, catch balls and lift weights, and there's a lot of standing around. Sometimes they take their shirts off. Some of the linemen have man-boobs.
GEORGE: That's a show! In fact, we can make that a two-day deal. Almost 48 hours of constant programming.
NFL Network: Really? Of guys exercising, standing around and chasing themselves around a field?
GEORGE: Absolutely. And people will watch it.
NFL Network: Why?
GEORGE: Because it's on television. OK, you're not nuts about that - how about this? Your draft. You draft players every year, right? What happens?
NFL Network: Well, somebody picks a player ...
GEORGE: Can we see them picking the player?
NFL Network: No. Nobody can see them.
GEORGE: Perfect. Go on.
NFL Network: Well, they pick a player. It usually takes about fifteen minutes - and then, they um ... hand a piece of paper to ... another guy and he, um - reads the name over a microphone.
GEORGE: Great! That's a show! I'm smelling another two-day deal here.
NFL Network: Well, sometimes we follow a guy around for a couple of hours because we think he's going to be drafted. And if he isn't, he's really embarassed and we wind up putting him in a separate room and waiting some more.
GEORGE: This is amazing! And not only that - but we'll put it on cable and people will pay for it. I'm thinking five bucks a month!
NFL Network: Now, I think you've lost your mind. Can't they just read it in the newspaper the next morning?
GEORGE: Newspapers? Aaaah! Get Comcast on the phone!

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