What's on TV? Not much.

I was very tired when I got home from work tonight. So much so that I decided to plop down on the sofa (a rare event) and flip on the TV and let it entertain me. Easy, I thought. The obvious choice was the Phillies game. The Phils are in the midst of a pennant race that they seem bound and determined to milk to the very last day. With big rain storms coming, the weekend should be full of three hour rain delays and not a lot of baseball.

During the telecast of the game, the cameras took us to The High and Inside Pub, a bar located inside Citizen's Bank Ballpark. I've been to the ballpark a hundred times and have walked past this place often. Every time I walk past I think the same thing: Why would someone pay for a ticket to the game and spend time sitting inside a bar watching the game on television?

Then, over on ABC it was the David Blaine show where, for the three seconds I had it on, he was shown hanging upside down from a rope. The host muttered something about what amazing thing he was about to do just before I changed the channel. Something about catching a bullet with his teeth. Uh huh.

Magic shows on television are suckers events. Television can make us believe anything and putting a magician on television is ridiculous. I could do magic on television. All I need is an editing bay and some network air time. ABC had two hours to spare and couldn't wait to give it to this guy. Pass.

It turned out that the amazing thing he was going to do had already been disproved by the Mythbusters crew so I knew better than to waste my time. You'd have to be a stone idiot to believe that anyone could catch a bullet with his teeth. I'd bet he could catch a bullet with his head, but they'd never put that on TV. It's not worth watching otherwise.

NBC was running the grammatically horrible America's Got Talent, and had the audacity to put the word LIVE up in the left corner of the screen. Stop me if you've heard this: Three judges debate over the skills of different people performing in front of them. This, so far, is the best idea NBC has for Wednesday night. Would it have killed them to call it America Has Talent or Americans Have Talent? Simon Cowell is one of the show's producers, proving that some people never have enough money.

The NFL Network was showing a game that was played on Sunday and ESPN2 was showing a game that was played 6 years ago. Next.

Meanwhile, the Phillies were getting clobbered and Larry King was interviewing the now ashen-haired Bill Clinton, who blew a chance to be a real statesman when he blew his junk all over Monica Lewinsky's dress. He was talking about how "appealing" he found Sarah Palin and I couldn't help but roll my eyes. Then he said that it was time that the next president found a way to help "regular Americans" (the ones without talent) find enough money to pay their bills. Larry should have asked him what a regular American was, but he was too busy with his chin in his hand pretending to listen in that charming way he has.

My cable bill is 65 bucks a month.

I'm going to bed.