God help us, Iowa is in charge.

Iowa. Population 2,926,324. Ranked 30th in the United States.

New Hampshire. Population 1,235,786. Ranked 41st in the United States.

Between the two of them, they will have a huge impact on who are the next candidates for President in a country of 303,619,006 (as of 12/18/2007). 1.4% of the American public is about to make a decision that will affect the rest of us, followed by Michigan, Nevada, South Carolina, Florida and Maine. By the time Super Tuesday rolls around (February 8) we will have heard from over half the states, and millions of dollars will have been spent and we will may not be any closer to knowing who is going to run for president than we were yesterday. What will happen is that the candidates without the big funding (i.e. everybody except Edwards, Clinton and Obama) will have dropped out. All that money spent for what, exactly?

In a country where we have a pill that can give you a 4-hour boner, wouldn't you figure that we would have come up with a better way to decide who is going to run for President? I know, the 4-hour boner is a higher priority, but seriously...

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First, Roger Clemens said he did not receive any injections. Then, Roger Clemens said he received injections, but they were vitamin B-12 and Lidocaine. One thing is certain: Roger Clemens is either lying now or has already lied. Sunday, he'll be appearing on America's favorite TV courtroom - 60 Minutes. Great idea Roger. Americans believe everything we see on TV.

Just once, I'd like to hear one of these guys admit that he did what they said he did. Deny, deny, deny. If they have pictures, they deny. If they have betting slips, they deny. If they have witnesses, they deny. They deny in front of Congress, under oath and on American television.

Wouldn't it be refreshing to hear this:

"I make a lot of money playing a game. I'm getting older and the younger players are trying to take my job. I weighed the consequences and I decided that my lucrative career was worth the health risks involved with using anabolic agents. As a competitive athlete, I need every advantage I can get. Since [the sport] is not actively prosecuting star players for using drugs or altering the records we achieve, I decided that the combination of the excitement that my play brings to the fans, the money I earn for the league and the money I earn for myself justified my use of drugs. I only regret that I was caught."

Those stories and Andy Rooney, tonight on 60 Minutes. tick-tick-tick-tick-tick...

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It's New Year's resolution season, and millions are making pledges to stop smoking, drinking or gaining weight. Go for it. What I'd like to see are simpler ones:

• I'd like to see SUV and giant pick-up truck drivers stop tapping the brakes when they go over railroad tracks. What's the point of driving that 5-ton pile of steel if you're going to drive it like a Nissan Sentra? And, take it out in the snow once in a while. I see them parked outside the supermarket with the other paniced shoppers when snow is in the forecast. What are you afraid of? Your vehicle is bigger than my condo.
• I'd also like highway drivers to resolve to learn the meaning of the Yield sign. It means, Yield the Right-of-Way, specifically, when you're entering a high-speed highway. It does not mean that you put your left turn signal on and muscle your way (at 45 mph) into traffic, causing the drivers in the right lane to either hit the brakes or go left to avoid your slow ass. One copy of the driver's manual, please.

Either of those are easier to accomplish than losing 50 pounds or laying off the Jack.