What's my def?

I flipped on the TV today and found that ABC was showing the MLS (that's soccer) championship game in hi-definition, so naturally, I expected NBC to show the LPGA ADT Championship in a likewise fashion. But, no. Sadly, the hi-def package for which Comcast charges me extra for was not in use for the three hours of coverage of the last tournament of the ladies' season today. Soccer gets the hi-def treatment, I'm assuming, due to its huge popularity. Sure. I'll still get the bill, but I won't like it.

I'm guessing that Lorena won't be able to get that giant check through the pneumatic tube at her local bank - but it will be fun trying.

By the way, the New England ML Soccer team is called the Revolution, which to me, signifies that we have run out of names for sports teams. The announcers (yes, I had the game on long enough to pay attention to the announcers) were telling us that the fans (there are fans) of the Revolution were hoping that the recent good fortune of New England's sports teams would continue with their soccer team. I am pleased to report that they lost, so screw you guys. As it turns out, the futbol team is owned by Robert Kraft, the same guy who owns the football team. I'm assuming he needs the tax write-off.

I don't see the point in having hi-definition channels on my cable service if the program is going to be shown in the same square format that I had before I bought the fancy TV and paid for the premium cable service. I'm writing e-mail's, I promise.

"Get the latest on the rain and snow, after Football Night in Philly." So goes the promo I just heard over our local NBC affiliate. Snow? Sure, in the Pocono mountains in northeast Pennsylvania on the fringes of their viewing area. And so begins the winter of make-believe snow emergencies, designed to make people tune in for the 11 o'clock news, only to find that the snow is falling in a place that most of them couldn't locate on a map. Every weather promo from now until Easter will include the word snow in a lame-assed attempt to scare up viewers and send people running to the grocery store for milk, bread and eggs. Apparently, French Toast is comfort food when it snows.

Rain forecasts don't lure viewers, even though they are local and accurate. Technically, they aren't lying, since they'll tell us about the rain, too - but only after the frightened viewers tune in to find out how much they'll be shoveling on Monday morning. The answer is zero, and they'd be better off getting a good night's sleep.