Here's an interesting idea - I think. Newspapers hire all sorts of columnists: Economists, advice counselors, experts in various fields and people from both sides of the political fence. There is one group that is underrepresented that has a significant voice in America.
The lunatic fringe.
Hire a deranged street person with typing skills to do a weekly column. Literally, the man on the street. Screw Steve Allen, he had a nice suit and a TV show. Real men on the street have an intersting perspective and I think we need to hear it. I'm not talking about the violent ones who go back to grammar school and strangle their 4th grade teacher, I mean those just plain goofballs who are there because they think it's a real home. I think it would be very entertaining.
I'll even start the first column for you as kind of a sample:
Today, the squirrels stole my corn. The bastards tricked me. And where are my oatmeal cookies? I'm checking your poop for that corn. I'll get it back one way or another. Then, when that Goddamned kid with the fake quarters comes back, I'm throwing a squirrel at him. I think that little prick took my cookies.
Or ... maybe they could just re-print some of my old blog posts.
This next one, I had to read twice, because at first I thought they were talking about something else altogether:
LA PAZ (Reuters) - Prostitutes in the Bolivian city of El Alto sewed their lips together on Wednesday as part of a hunger strike to demand that the mayor reopen brothels and bars ordered closed after violent protests by residents last week.
Oh ... a hunger strike.
Remember last week when I said that there's a new diet craze every week? This week, it's apples. People who eat an apple a half hour before lunch consume 187 fewer calories during their regular meal, "they" say. So now, the latest thing is to eat an apple before lunch so you'll - um - eat less. That's right. You know me, and you know that I can't take that on face value.
Certainly, apples are a great food, and we're probably better off eating one than some of the crap we throw down at lunch - that's a given.
However ...
... a medium apple has 125 calories, so you're really only "saving" 80 calories. Why didn't the article mention that part? ...
... I wonder quietly to myself.
2 comments:
You know the prostitute idea may not work out, since some festish type people will love the sewed shut lips thing.
i just can't stop staring at the picture of that apple.
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