Odds and Ends (mostly odds)

Switzerland's Martina Hingis in action during her fourth round win over China's Li Na at the Australian Open tennis tournament in Melbourne, Monday, Jan. 22, 2007. Hingis won in three sets 4-6 6-3 6-0.

I could enjoy women's tennis a lot more if it weren't for all the grunting and screaming. I thought Maria Sharapova was giving birth on the court until I looked and saw that all she was doing was hitting a tennis ball. Geez. I wish I could find it, but I remember reading a magazine article that said it was a bad idea to yell and scream while lifting weights. Something about the pressure it puts on some delicate body parts...I forget exactly. Tennis coaches must be teaching it at an early age, because it's pervasive and unbearable. If the golfers start with it, I won't have any peace.

OK, so it's a week and six days from America's greatest secular holiday (a.k.a. Super Bowl Sunday), and already I'm up to here (pointing at my throat) with the "two black head coaches" stories. As I said before, it shouldn't be a story if we really want to have racial equality, but I suppose we do not, hence the constant harping on racial differences and milestones - Super Bowl notwithstanding.

So....
Because of failed batteries, poor lighting and other vagaries, all the clocks in my place are displaying a different time. As I move from room to room, I feel like I'm in an H.G. Wells novel. I have to keep my eye on at least one clock so I don't miss my favorite Monday night comedies. I need to laugh, you see. Dubya is going to recite his State of the Union address on Tuesday night, and I fear for my life, sanity and other fragile bodily functions. I'm ready for Old Broad's Blogger Drinking Game. Stop by and imbibe.

Meanwhile...
Paris Hilton is proving why it's better to be rich than (anything) smart. You may remember that she was pulled over for Driving Under the Influence some time ago. Well, it seems as though our girl has plea bargained down from D.U.I. to reckless driving, which requires a modest fine and some community service (the Poor Community she's designated to serve - God help them). There's a lie in her story as big as a Chi Chi's margarita when she said she only "consumed only a single margarita at a charity event that evening." Her blood alcohol level was .08, which would make for one Hell of a margarita. Oh, to be rich and stupid. Maybe in the next life.

And ladies ... I implore you...
PALOS HEIGHTS, Ill. - Nine months pregnant and married to a fervent Bears fan with tickets to Sunday's NFC Championship game, Colleen Pavelka didn't want to risk going into labor during the game against the New Orleans Saints. Due to give birth on Monday, Pavelka's doctor told her Friday she could induce labor early. She opted for the Friday delivery. "I thought, how could (Mark) miss this one opportunity that he might never have again in his life?" said Pavelka, 28, from the southwestern Chicago suburb of Homer Glen.

Yeah, geez ... a once-in-a-lifetime football game vs. what....the birth of your child? The nerve of that kid getting in the way of your football game, Mark. I hope, for the kid's sake, that it's a once in a lifetime event for his parents. And how about that doctor? Hey, what's a little induced labor when there's a football game to watch?