Once again, the TV weather people (I neglect to call them meteorologists, partly out of respect for real scientists, and partly because it is difficult to spell) have failed us. The drenching rains that have covered the Northeast for the last three days were supposed to subside, at least temporarily today, but they did not. Viewers of local news outlet known strangely as "Action News" were subjected to Cecily Tynan's lame explanation thusly:
"We were hoping that the air flow would contribute to drier conditions..."
Wait ... "hoping"? You were hoping? Millions of dollars worth of satellite feeds, screens with names that use the word "radar" like Homer Simpson uses the word "beer" ... gauges, dials, things that spin and colored maps that even Johannes Kepler couldn't understand - and you were hoping? For $600,000 a year, Cecily, I was expecting so much more.
But, she wasn't done. On her return trip to the news desk to schmooze with the anchors, they asked her what the weekend was looking like? (As if she would know). After knocking on the fake-wood studio desk, she "hoped" it would be nice and dry. "Does knocking (fake) wood count for more or less than hoping?", I wondered quietly to myself. No matter, they're laughing now, and they get paid at the end of the week.
Here's a proposal for our local ABC television station. I will do the weather for 10% of Cecily's salary, and I'll do all the hoping you want. Just to drum up support, I'll pledge to divide the remaining $540,000 evenly among the field reporters who are made to stand in the rain and snow all year long, for the purpose of telling us that it is raining and snowing. As though we couldn't look out a window and do our own report.
I hope that our local station will take me up on the offer.