Is the opposite of Facebook Assmovie?

I don't completely understand Facebook. I know where it is and what it is but I'm still working out the kinks. It seems to be some sort of social networking deal. I'm on there if you're interested, but you'll find much of the same content you find here, minus the witty banter. My workplace Internet bans the site, which makes it all the more appealing to me.

Ads and surveys run along the right side of the page. One of them bought my eye. "The iPod of Shaving" it said. I'm intrigued. Especially because I'd like to see the Atra of Personal Stereos, but I must have missed that ad.

There it is, on the right. It's called the Rolling Razor. Some sort of ring with a couple of blade heads. If it wasn't for the blades, I'd say it was some kind of sex toy. I don't know. Buy one and tell me how it is. It seems complicated, and I'm not sure I want to complicate something that I know I'm going to have to do again tomorrow regardless of the razor I use.

Baseball's annual circus called Free Agent Signing Season has begun. Fatso CC Sabathia signed a $160 million dollar, 7-year contract with the New York Yankees. That works out to $22.85 million a year, but there's an opt-out clause in it after three years, if either the Yankees or common sense decides he isn't worth the money. As a point of reference, that works out to $439,560 a week (before taxes).

I keep hearing and reading stories about what a shitty mess the country's economy is in, but I suppose it depends on what industry you're in. If your industry is professional sports I don't think you're feeling the pinch. The average salary of a major league baseball player is $2,930,000 per year. I don't know the average salary of the fans attending the games, but I'd bet you'd have to remove at least two of those zeroes. I think $160 million qualifies as "rubbing our noses in it" especially when the price of my Phillies tickets went up 7 percent a game this year and my salary only went up two percent.

Meanwhile, (speaking of a shitty mess) a friend is considering one of those flushing colonic deals. Seventy bucks to have them run a pipe up your ass and clean out your innards. Their web site says they have "... spared no expense in providing a state of the art pressurized system. Our system lets the water enter the colon at a low pressure, "sneaking in" before the colon can contract and stop the flow. I guess you wouldn't want them cutting any corners once that hose is up your butt. Something tells me that there's a reason the colon wants to contract, but I'm no doctor. It's an exit, not an entrance, right?

They say that "there can be from 5 to 25 pounds of impacted waste material in the colon with the consistency of cement or "black tar encrusted into the walls of the colon like bark on a tree."

Wow. I guess that's why those squirrels won't leave me alone? Maybe they can find that penny I swallowed when I was four?

Stand back, you never know what'll come out.