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Monday was a holiday of sorts around here. It's called Columbus Day and they tell us it is to commemorate Christopher Columbus' "discovering" America. I was always confused over how a guy could have discovered something that was already inhabited by people. I'm used to being told to "shut up and listen." Of course, that's about as factual as Santa Claus, and you don't see us having a holiday for ... oh. Sorry. Next.

I was home earlier than usual, and when I'm home and flip on the local evening news I am amazed at the traffic reports. Why? Because I find it absurd that they report traffic on television news. They tell us to stay away from certain roads because they are jammed. Are drivers watching TV? I suppose the whole thing is concocted so that home viewers can watch and call their special someones with traffic updates while they're driving around, but that can't be right because we have laws against using the cell phone ... oh. Sorry. Next.

Penny Marshall had Pat Sajak's seats at last night's Phillies/Dodgers game. Why the long face?

SUNDAY, Oct. 12 (HealthDay News) -- New genetic links to male pattern baldness have been discovered by researchers in England and Germany. But whether something can be done to prevent hair loss in people with the gene variants is another story. One of the new studies was financed, in part, by Glaxo SmithKline, a pharmaceutical company that might seek commercial benefit from its support. And one small company already markets a $149 genetic screening test for male pattern baldness.

Really, why is there such concern over baldness? It's only some hair falling out. Honestly, if they told me I could take a pill and grow my hair back, I'm not sure I'd do it.

What I would like them to work on is a pill that could stop hair from growing. You'd think, with all the science and technology that exists over male urinary problems and getting boners, there would be a pill around that we could take once our hair got to a point that we liked.

Women could shave their legs (or some other parts) and be done with it. Guys could get a haircut or shave their heads (or some other parts) and be done with it. Think about how much easier life would be if we weren't fussing with our hair constantly. Work on that, Glaxo.

Wouldn't it be nice? When you were tired of your hair style you could stop taking the pill and it would start growing again. I bet that some scientist somewhere is working on that right now.

We'd have a lot more time to run to the bathroom to pee or use all those 4-hour boners they're giving us. Nice trade, I say.

You betcha.