Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Favre Nation

If you're a sports fan - and I can't imagine you're not - you've had it up to here (pointing at my throat) with the 24-hour Brett Favre Watch sponsored chiefly by TV buzz killers ESPN. They can single handedly take a story and drive it into the ground with such intensity that eventually you want your TV to explode so you don't have to look at it anymore.
The nonsense surrounding Brett Favre's retirement/unretirement/reinstatement is reaching nonsense proportions. How so? The constant crawl at the bottom of the ESPN screen proclaims:
as though he was a league or a separate entity, and maybe he is. "What league is Favre?" I wondered to myself, and what level of importance can one achieve that his name is on the same level as actual sports organizations?
I hear that the NFL is going to announce that they will be adding an extra down for the Packers. Farveth down. After fourth down, as a tribute to their hero.
Milwaukee school children will be replacing the number "five" with "favre". The president will proclaim Saturday Favurday and a special coin will be minted to replace the nickel. A five-cent piece called the Favrickle (can you pronounce that?). It will be minted for a year, then retired, and consumers will be made to send it back to the government for reinstatement of their regular nickels or a backup nickel to be named later.
I hear there is space on Mount Rushmore and Favre's head might still be small enough to fit.
One wonders how the NFL will survive without Brett Favre. Perhaps they should re-name the championship game the Favrer Bowl and re-name the league the FFL.
Whatever happens, it can't approach the level of absurdity that it has already achieved.


kimmyk said...

well i for one am a so so sports fan.
i love football. but if i'm being honest, i know nothing of what is happening with brett right now. i did hear something about him crying or whatever..i dunno.

no time to deal with a whiny man who makes millions of dollars at the moment.

why can't they just stay retired when they retire? isn't that basically what off season is for? to relax and do shit with your family?

Anthony said...

Because, no matter how old they are, if they can throw a rolled-up piece of paper into a wastebasket from 5 feet away, they think they "coulda gone pro".

Old pros are just as pathetic because no matter how old they are (Joe Theisman) they think they still could play.
Go on the field then, and get your head handed to you.

Kate Michele said...

Favre....He's football right? ::smirk::