Much ado about nothing.

The nitwit patrol is out in Trenton this week, and I was once again reminded why I don't watch local news. This one comes from nitwit #1, named L.A. Parker, who works (allegedly) for The Trentonian, one of the local rags that publishes bird cage liner in Trenton, New Jersey. To wit...

TRENTON - Internet photos of a local school director who lives a second life as a biker chick for her boyfriend-boss are serving as eye candy for students under her supervision. Photos lingering on the World Wide Web of the 20-something Kelly Zimmerman, a former Titusville Academy teacher turned director of Lighthouse Academy in Ewing, show the hot divorcee in fine form and working a July crowd into a frenzy at Del’s July Fry in Englishtown.
The adolescent boys at Lighthouse Academy - an institution that serves male students with social and emotional problems - could see Zimmerman in an entirely different light as she struts in her bikini and black heels or watches as other bikini babes show off.
Cheeky snapshots of the well-bottomed Zimmerman have become a hot commodity for some students and Internet voyeurs.

I went through 7 pages of Google images and 11 pages of Yahoo images and couldn't find the "cheeky snapshots". Lucky for me her photo was on the front page of The Trentonian, the holier than thou publication that seems to enjoy poking at people with a sharp stick. How did I see it? The local news, of course. NBC10 sent Harry Hairston, (a.k.a. Nitwit #2) one of their drone reporters to the Lighthouse Academy digging for dirt and found ... nothing. So, we were treated to two minutes of a newspaper front page and a lot of here say and speculation disguised as news.

I think it's great that the newspaper can write a story and not even know how old she is. "20-something". We're now supposed to believe that the reporter did his due diligence and dug deeply into the story. Judging by his vocabulary and writing skills, I'd say he didn't do either.

A Zimmerman critic who asked for anonymity called the director’s bikini performance “hypocritical.” “In several of the photos you can see that she is dancing in front of young boys. I don’t know if that’s the way she should be acting,” the critic said.

I'd question the anonymity of a critic who declares someone else to be hypocritical. Who are you and why won't you tell us your name?

One detractor spanked Zimmerman on ethics.
“They are supposed to be teaching their students to take responsibility for their actions, instead she blatantly lied. What does that teach children?”

I'm not sure what it teaches the children. What do you teach your children? If you can tell me your children never lie and take responsibility for their actions, then maybe their teacher isn't a big problem. Otherwise, I'd be willing to bet that you shouldn't be throwing stones.

Still, Ms. Zimmerman will likely surprise a few students who manage to find her photos on Internet Web sites.

It would surprise me if they could find them at all. The only photos I could find were the ones I cut and pasted from the television report which came from the newspaper, who we could say contributed to the frenzy by publishing them. Since when are newspapers in the business of making news?

By the way, should a professional writer (as L.A. Parker claims to be) be using redundant phrases like "Internet web sites"? Are there web sites that aren't on the Internet? And, web isn't capitalized either, nitwit. And what does "well bottomed" mean? Maybe Parker is a student at Lighthouse Academy.

What it amounted to was a girl (Zimmerman, presumably) in a two-piece bathing suit on stage in front of some other people. The fact that the newspaper calls it a "bikini" shows that they don't really know what a bikini is. But, bikini looks good in print, so why not curve the facts for a good story, right? Do you think she has ever worn that bathing suit on a beach? What makes that any different than a stage at a motorcycle-rider gathering?

I guess what we're supposed to take out of this story is that a school administrator isn't supposed to wear a two-piece bathing suit in public and (God forbid) have her photo taken wearing one. Meanwhile, the parents of these kids are allowed to do whatever they want. That makes good nonsense.

For the sake of a racy story, both NBC10 and The Trentonian have bought into the idea that school administrators are supposed to be held to a higher standard than the parents of the kids who are in the school. Suppose one of the other parents was a "bikini-babe"? Would the newspaper splash that on the front page? I'm guessing not.

It's about time we established some standards and stopped harassing people who - on their own time - are engaging in activities that are both legal and enjoyable to themselves and those around them.

Let's stop using words like "biker babe" and "hot divorcee" unless we are ready to hold ourselves to those same standards.

Chances are, she's a good administrator and I'd bet that up until this nonsense appeared in the newspaper or on television, nobody who sends their child to that school knew or thought anything different about Kelly. In fact, I'd be willing to bet that they liked her and thought highly of her. The TV reporter could only find one alleged parent who smirked at the story and didn't have much to say, which didn't stop the reporter from including it in his story.

Notice to all teachers, school administrators and people involved with children:

Stop. Stop whatever you're doing. Whatever it is. Drinking, watching porn, gambling (legally), masturbating, coughing, sneezing, farting, riding a motorcycle, wearing two-piece bathing suits, owning more than 3 cats, nude sunbathing or anything that may otherwise seem objectionable to the small numbers of people who may want to cause trouble for you because you're not supposed to be a normal person leading a normal life.

There are kids out there who need their parents to do those things so that they can later blame you for screwing them up with your rotten educational system.