This Old Head

News Item:

An Oregon man who went to a hospital complaining of a headache was found to have 12 nails embedded in his skull from a suicide attempt with a nail gun, doctors say. The unidentified 33-year-old man was suicidal and high on methamphetamine last year when he fired the nails into his head one by one. Doctors were surprised when X-rays revealed six nails clustered between his right eye and ear, two below his right ear and four on the left side of his head.

This is yet another example of someone who lacked the ability to conceive a plan and carry it through to its conclusion. The problem here is not the nail gun or the methamphetamine, it is incompetence.

How many times have you had to take your car to a mechanic with what you thought was a routine problem - say, your turn signals appeared to click when they weren't on - and the guy at the service station either could not find the problem, or believed he found it, when in fact, he did not. The car was returned to you, and thinking that the problem was solved, you drove away happy, with your thumb up your ass thinking that the two-hundred dollars you spent to fix it was spent wisely. What you actually paid for was a day without your vehicle and a day of health coverage for your neighborhood mechanic.

Wouldn't you think that a guy with a nail gun, even if he was stoked on meth, should be able to fire a dozen nails into his skull and fulfill his intended mission? Apparently not.

So, don't feel so badly if your mechanic can't find your clicking noise, or your dry cleaner can't get the stain out of your favorite jacket, or Chemlawn can't get rid of your dandelions, or the Phillies can't score a runner from third with less than two out.

If a guy with a nail gun can't finish his job, what chance does anyone have?