Tis the season for conforming.Perhaps nothing better defines the issue of conformity than the so-called holy season of Christmas. Brace yourselves, Druids, because some of the things I say here may shock and offend your religious beliefs. For the rest of you, go ahead and read. Christmas has nothing to do with organized religion.
My favorite superhero has mused on the subject of guilt. Part of the reason we feel guilt is that we think we must conform to society's belief system, and the bigger the group, the more pressure there is on us to conform. Smaller groups can do it, too, but they have to consist of people with perceived power over us, like our boss or an IRS auditor. Few things in our lives personify conformity like the Christmas season.
"What did you get?" is the biggest question that most of us will face when we return to work or school after the holiday. No one asks "What did you give?", or if they do, they are asking it after the first question, in a comparitive way. We spend half our time comparing what we are going to give someone with what they are going to give us. We don't want to either (a) make the other person uncomfortable or (b) spend too much money on something that may not be enough or may be too much of a gift. It's the spirit of the holidays.
The guilt comes in when we either forget or neglect to buy something for the other person. "Oh, I didn't get you anything!" - the common refrain of the guilt-ridden person. The prepared Druids among us have sexually neutral gifts pre-wrapped in a room or the trunk of their car for just such emergencies. Once, I got a Hershey's kiss as big as my head from a friend for whom I bought a gift. Feeling a bit uneasy, she disappeared for a few minutes and returned with the box. Nothing says "Merry Christmas" like a giant hunk of solid chocolate.
She wasn't about to feel guilty because I bought her something and didn't give me anything, so her feelings of Christmas-inspired guilt were salved by the huge novelty gift. It did little for me, but my feelings were not the paramount concern here. She felt a twinge of guilt, and the giant chocolate mound served its intended purpose.
If we felt no guilt and no need to conform, such small gestures would be unnecessary. The common refrain would change to "Too bad!" and the guilt would be replaced by joy. We got something and didn't have to do anything in return. Perfect. But society tries to tell us that the spirit of the holiday is in giving, which is where the conflict comes in. We feel guilty for wanting things because society makes us think that the feelings are bad. Of course we want things. It's at the base of our belief system. Look around. Our homes are filled with junk we wanted. Much of it we now may feel guilty for buying because we satisfied the desire to have something, and reacted to the guilt inflicted by society for being such terrible consumers.
If we conformed, we wouldn't feel guilt. If we didn't desire, we wouldn't conform. But, we're not all the same. The Druids dance under their tree, the Romans celebrate Saturnalia and the rest of us play the shopping game until we either drop from exhaustion or run out of money. Either way, the conflict doesn't end until the 26th. The sad part is that we put ourselves through it year after year, until the wise among us figure out what society is doing to us and make it stop.
Guilt and conformity are the biggest marketing tools that they have to use against us, and they don't have to spend a dime on advertising. We do it to ourselves.
We spent $8.96 billion on Friday in an effort to conform and satisfy our desires. We'll make sure we have more stuff under our heathen tree than the heathens next door. The sad part is, that it never stops. We spent more this year than last, and we'll spend more next year.
Just like everyone else.
My favorite superhero has mused on the subject of guilt. Part of the reason we feel guilt is that we think we must conform to society's belief system, and the bigger the group, the more pressure there is on us to conform. Smaller groups can do it, too, but they have to consist of people with perceived power over us, like our boss or an IRS auditor. Few things in our lives personify conformity like the Christmas season.
"What did you get?" is the biggest question that most of us will face when we return to work or school after the holiday. No one asks "What did you give?", or if they do, they are asking it after the first question, in a comparitive way. We spend half our time comparing what we are going to give someone with what they are going to give us. We don't want to either (a) make the other person uncomfortable or (b) spend too much money on something that may not be enough or may be too much of a gift. It's the spirit of the holidays.
The guilt comes in when we either forget or neglect to buy something for the other person. "Oh, I didn't get you anything!" - the common refrain of the guilt-ridden person. The prepared Druids among us have sexually neutral gifts pre-wrapped in a room or the trunk of their car for just such emergencies. Once, I got a Hershey's kiss as big as my head from a friend for whom I bought a gift. Feeling a bit uneasy, she disappeared for a few minutes and returned with the box. Nothing says "Merry Christmas" like a giant hunk of solid chocolate.
She wasn't about to feel guilty because I bought her something and didn't give me anything, so her feelings of Christmas-inspired guilt were salved by the huge novelty gift. It did little for me, but my feelings were not the paramount concern here. She felt a twinge of guilt, and the giant chocolate mound served its intended purpose.
If we felt no guilt and no need to conform, such small gestures would be unnecessary. The common refrain would change to "Too bad!" and the guilt would be replaced by joy. We got something and didn't have to do anything in return. Perfect. But society tries to tell us that the spirit of the holiday is in giving, which is where the conflict comes in. We feel guilty for wanting things because society makes us think that the feelings are bad. Of course we want things. It's at the base of our belief system. Look around. Our homes are filled with junk we wanted. Much of it we now may feel guilty for buying because we satisfied the desire to have something, and reacted to the guilt inflicted by society for being such terrible consumers.
If we conformed, we wouldn't feel guilt. If we didn't desire, we wouldn't conform. But, we're not all the same. The Druids dance under their tree, the Romans celebrate Saturnalia and the rest of us play the shopping game until we either drop from exhaustion or run out of money. Either way, the conflict doesn't end until the 26th. The sad part is that we put ourselves through it year after year, until the wise among us figure out what society is doing to us and make it stop.
Guilt and conformity are the biggest marketing tools that they have to use against us, and they don't have to spend a dime on advertising. We do it to ourselves.
We spent $8.96 billion on Friday in an effort to conform and satisfy our desires. We'll make sure we have more stuff under our heathen tree than the heathens next door. The sad part is, that it never stops. We spent more this year than last, and we'll spend more next year.
Just like everyone else.
5 comments:
Well, only seven people were killed during that massive orgy called black friday!! How far are you from Secaucus, New Jersey?
I hate obligatory gifts. If I get something for someone, I honestly don't want anything in return. Although I might have enjoyed that giant mound of chocolate ;-)!
Yeah me too. I would have liked that mound of chocolate. Must be a girl thing.
This year our holidays for the first time in a very long time will be about giving back and not receiving.
I'm actually quite excited about that.
You know I totally agree!! We' are set on teaching our boys the true meaning of christmas that has nothing to do with a crazy mound of preasents under the tree.
To give love and a safe place to call home is more than most kids will have this year, and I"d like to teach them to appricate that.
OK, so that's 3 mounds of chocolate for the girls?
Pam: I'm about 100 miles from Secaucus. Kansas is much nicer.
kimmyk: I want to read about this "first ever" Christmas of yours.
Katie: I think the kids will appreciate something really nice rather than lots of junk. The "crazy mound" is a concept I've never understood. I'm not sure how you can impress on children how lucky they are, but the effort should be made.
I myself stopped giving tons of useless items a long time ago. I don't expect to receive anything and would prefer that, since now I do not have the resources to give anything financially. I can only offer my love and time to those that want it. I do splurge a little on children, but I don't overload. Plus I buy educational items, things that help my niece in her math or social studies skills, or even English. I am not religious so I don't go that route and just like any other holiday unfortunately Christmas is falls into the "Hallmark category". I plan on 'giving' the photographs I have taken, trying to hone in on my friends' and family's personality and style. Then they can say they have my photograph and "knew me when" I wasn't famous haha!@
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