The Same-Old, Same-Old

Among the gory details of the Amish school shooting that were released in today's newspaper was a statement from Marie Roberts, the killer's wife.

She described him as a "loving spouse and a caring father, not a homicidal killer". That's odd, since the one thing he is is a homicidal killer. Isn't that always the way with these types of stories? Neighbors, friends and family describe the guy as a good man and an asset to society. Just once, I'd like to read something honest from the people who are supposed to know best.

Here’s a conversation I’d like to see printed in the newspaper:

REPORTER: What kind of guy was he?
NEIGHBOR: He was kind of an oddball. I used to see him in the back yard practicing ax throwing. It seemed a bit strange, since he was legally blind and all.

REPORTER: And you, ma’am, you were married to him for ten years. Ever notice anything out of the ordinary?
WIFE: Oh sure. He used to wake me up at night screaming like a banshee. And, he had an odd twitchy leg. Then, for no reason, he would run through the house yelling, “My pants! My pants!” I never did figure that out.

REPORTER: So, were you surprised to find out that he had planned this?
WIFE: No, not at all. In fact, I’m surprised it took him this long. But, he’s a procrastinator. I never did like that about him.
REPORTER: When did you start to notice the odd behavior?
WIFE: At the church during our wedding. He wore black combat boots and one of those helmets with the big spike at the top. Naturally, we made him take it off for the pictures. I thought about having the marriage annulled, but he wouldn’t have it … you know how those Druids are.

REPORTER: Of course. And you, sir … did you ever figure that your son would do such a horrible thing?
FATHER: Every day of my life. He was tortured from the day he walked into nursery school until he graduated high school. He vowed to get even. He would come home every day with his underpants around his neck and milk in his hair.

REPORTER: Wow. So, with all this latent hostility, why didn’t he ever go for help?
WIFE: We don’t have health insurance.

Now that, I could believe.