Scenes From a Marriage - Part Two

OK, so — how does a relationship fall apart? Glad you asked. It falls apart gradually, until finally, the pieces cannot be sewn together. When it happens, you know it. I knew it, and the gradual effect was not evident until the end.

It comes upon you gradually. One incident: I was sitting in a side room, listening (on headphones) to a song by David Sylvian. The lyrics got to me:

I fall outside of her
She doesn't notice
I fall outside of her
She doesn't notice at all

And mine is an empty bed
I think she's forgotten.

I was weeping. She heard me, and came into the room. “What is it now?” She asked, in an accusatory tone.
“You don’t love me anymore,” was my reply.
A moment passed, and she just turned and walked out. My suspicions confirmed.

Much later - or perhaps soon, I cannot recall - she had planned a trip to visit her old college roommate (see part one) and her now husband and their new baby in Houston. Being a child of the space program, I volunteered to accompany her.
“Oh man - I’d love to go to Houston,” I said.
“No - you’ll be bored. It’s just going to be me, Jane (her sister) and the baby,” she said.
“I’ll rent a car, go the Johnson Space Center. You can do what you want. You’ll never know I was there.”
“No. We aren’t going to do anything. Just visit with the baby.” So I was told.
OK, then. I was never a fan of the separate vacations. Always thought it was a symptom of a failing relationship. After all, what’s the point of going on vacation by yourself? I let her go.

While I spent a five-day weekend at home alone, I stewed over the decision, but figured, “Well - maybe I would be bored.” Um.

She got home, and greeted me with ... a t-shirt and program from ... The (fucking) Johnson Space (fucking) Center. And, a receipt from some water park outside of Houston and a botanical garden of some sort. Where was the baby in all of this?

I was furious. Not only did she lie to me about the trip, but she brought home souvenirs from the one place that I wanted to see, and thought that I would be happy to see it.
In a fit of Herculean strength, I tore the program in half - and threw the t-shirt in her face, proclaiming, “Give this to one of your friends at work!” I have no idea what happened to the shirt, but I know that the program wound up in the recycling bin.

Go ahead and do what you want, just don’t lie to me about it. At that point, I knew the marriage was over and my trust in her was done.

I'm not certain if this preceded or followed her forgetting about my birthday, but it came - and went.

I awoke on that Saturday, and expected a gift of some sort.  Breakfast [nothing] lunch - afternoon - dinner - nothing.  At some point, I suspected that there was nothing coming.  I said nothing because, well - why should I?  Two days later, I got a box.  Inside was an Eagles t-shirt and a "happy birthday" card - never mind that it was two days late.  My proclamation: "So, you forgot my birthday, and picked out the first thing that you saw in the store when you walked in?"  Once again, I received no response.  The perfect thoughtless gift from the thoughtless person in my life.

Seeking love outside of my marriage would now become a priority. Vengeance is a horrible feeling to have, and an even worse wish to fulfill, but I would find it somehow.

The end was near.