Scenes From a Marriage - Part Three

I wanted to find some humor in this string - because humor is important, and nothing in life is devoid of humor — but I could not find real humor.  Like, a pie in the face or stepping in dog shit.  There was none of that.

The things I remember are the rough times.  Like, when I was ironing shirts and pants for my week of work, and she said, “If you think I’m going to iron your shirts, you’ve got another think coming.”

Well - there I was, with the iron in my hand - ironing.  What other “think” did I have coming? That was early on, and I should have figured it out.

The time she told me, “I am disappoionted in you,” I had no idea what she was saying, only that she was probably comparing me to her father, which was both unfair and unjust.

I never figured out who I was supposed to be, only that whenever we went for “a walk” I knew that there was something about my personality that she wanted to change.

The sad part is that, perhaps I should have been the one who was asking her to go for a walk, since she was the one with more to change than I?  But, I digress. 

The times that she said, “We need to go for a walk,” which was code for “I have something I want to change about you, and we need to talk about it.”  My problem was, I was too weak and needy to refuse her stupid demands.  And, when somebody says, “I like you, except ...” you need to run, because you aren’t that important unless they can change you into something that they want.

For the record, when I met her, she had some coarse chin hairs, and was in the process of having them cosmetically removed via laser.  She tole me, “You’ve been nice enough not to mention it.”  I remember specifically, that we were on our way to dinner at my mom’s house, and it’s one of those things that a person remembers. Some things.

I never brought it up, because I knew there was nothing I could do about it.  I accompanied her to the “laser removal” place - whatever it’s called - and stood by while they blasted the hair off.

I also stood by while she went back to school to get her Engineering degree at Drexel.  She would spend nights at class, and most weekends at the library preparing for her exams.  She would call (hard wire, remember?) and tell me “I’m on my way” and I would start preparing Shake & Bake chicken, vegetables, and salad for her arrival home.  I got almost zero credit for that.

Not that I was perfect - far from it. In the meantime, I was tempted by women in my life who knew that I was struggling.  It’s not easy folks.  Put yourself in my place, if you can, and you will find yourself tempted as well.  Or. Maybe you wouldn’t.  You may not be as flawed as I.

How easily would it have been for you to deal with these issues and still remain loyal to a person who was clearly not devoted to you?