Scenes from a Marriage - Part Four

I think I mentioned that I was tempted along the way.  Yeah, I'm certain I did, and I'm certain I was. Once before and once after.  One I wish I had gone with and one I am happy that I did not.

The One Before:
I do not remember when exactly it was during my time with my future ex-wife that it happened.  It was certainly after she left the company that we had both worked for, and in one of those periods where I felt like maybe - we weren't meant to be together.

My company hired a woman - Gisele - and I could tell you her surname if I remembered how to spell it.  Geisele, if memory serves.  Anyway, I thought  Gisele was a beautiful name, and she differed.  "Call me GG," she demanded, and so I did, although I would occasionally throw-in a Gisele, because I liked the way it sounded.  And, I liked the way she looked and the way she paid attention to me and laughed at my stupid jokes.  Generally, I liked her.

We struck-up a friendship and, in the absence of my future ex-wife, we came to be closer, sharing lunch times together and talking about stuff in our lives.

At some point in the relationship, I asked that her and I become a couple, and she refused.  I do not remember (or choose not to remember) if my future ex and I were engaged at the time or merely seriously dating, but much to Gisele's credit, she declined my offer, not wishing to be the dividing stick between us.  I thought I saw something in us (me and Gisele) that I didn't see in me and my future ex, and ... well ... perhaps I was correct?  I'll never know, since she left the company and my company before either of us could find out for real.

It is one of the two huge regrets of my life - the other may come in a later missive - and while I admire Gisele's deference to someone she never met, I also regretted the idea that we never had the opportunity to explore our relationship and find out if we were indeed meant for each other.

It did not occur to me at the time - only that I felt that I was torn between two women - that it was possible that I had made the wrong turn - or that she had encouraged me to make the wrong turn.  Gisele and I had a brief discussion at one point where she explained that she explained that I was in love with my future ex-wife, and it would never work out between us.  I thought differently, but lacked the necessary logic to make my point.

I have forever regretted that mistake in judgement.

Although, I will never know if I was right or wrong - only that my fate was wrong.

I have tried to look up Gisele on this Internet, but the attempts have failed.  I'm not sure what I expected to accomplish, only that a lonely man in regret could somehow find closure in a relationship that he wishes he had pursued in hindsight.

But ... hindsight is always correct, so I guess I shouldn't second-guess second-guessing?