Scenes from a Marriage - Part Five

Oh - let's see - what else?  There were good times, too I guess.  As the song goes, "too few to mention."

We had that natural "honeymoon period," even though there was never an actual honeymoon.  That's right.  We planned as minimalist a wedding as one could plan - on mostly our own dime - and afterward, retired to our new home to collapse in two heaps.

I suppose, in retrospect, I could have annulled the marriage early on under the guise of it being non-consummated?  But then, I was never one to demand sex - or anything else, for that matter.

I proposed to her on her birthday.  Not a bit clever, I suppose, but then - what else?  I took her to a nice dinner at The Riverview in Carney's Point (luxurious for New Jersey) and even got down on one knee after dinner to spring my big-time $300 diamond engagement ring on her.  She figured something was up.  We had been dating for about a year-and-a-half, and I guess we both figured, "it's now or never." (another song)

We were married on October 13, 1990 - and for you superstitious types - it was a Saturday.  As I recall, the hottest October 13 on record, which should have clued me in that this was perhaps a marriage made in Hell.

The church was not air-conditioned, and several in the gathering suspected that I was having some sort of heat stroke.

The reception was held in a fire hall (New Jersey) because that was the best we could afford.  A local delicatessen provided the catering.  We hired a DJ.  Her family paid for the photographer.  We paid for everything else.  I remember having $5,000 saved between the time I proposed and we had to pay for all this junk.  Pretty much every paycheck was going toward this soiree.  Money (not) well spent.

The wedding was pretty standard.  Do you? yes. Do you, too? yes. OK, then - you're married.  The real shenanigans happened during the reception.

One of her neighbors provided the "limo" (a big Lincoln of some sort) to the reception, and I remember the both of us being sort of non-plussed with the whole affair.  In hindsight, we should have gone to the Justice of the Peace and saved about $5,000.

We did all the standard DJ reception junk - the dances, smashing the cake in our faces, and all that.  We did the going from table-to-table bit to say 'hello' and collect our gifts.  We got as far as a table with some of her co-workers who broke-out a bottle of Jack Daniel's and well - that was that.  We never got to the last few tables with some of my relatives and some of hers.

When we received all of our gifts, we found that one of my uncles had re-opened his envelope, tore-up the check that he had written and replaced it with a smaller one because we had failed to reach his table.

Another one of her relatives reportedly had some gift of shares of stock to give us, which he rescinded when we missed their table.  The Jack was pretty good, though.

I don't remember if we even talked about taking a honeymoon.  I thought about surprising her with a trip, but I was out of money by the time we were done with everything.  Prior to the wedding, I had been spending days and nights at our new condo, painting and waiting for furniture deliveries.  

It's almost thirty years later, and the paint is still on the walls, the carpeting is still on the floor,  and most of the furniture is still working.

I don't remember how much money we got.  I remember getting a microwave oven, which just recently was replaced by me.  We got some bric-a-brac which still sits in my basement waiting for that yard sale.  I have no idea where the photos are - she probably took them.  I wouldn't want to see them anyway.  I wore glasses, looked like a refugee from the 1980s, and still had my horrible original teeth.  Not that it's that much better now - but those were all preventable issues.

The sad part in all of it is that I felt like it was "do or die" as far as finding a wife was concerned.  That's a horrible reason to marry someone, but there you go.  Here we are some 30 years later and I feel like I was right - it was do or die.  I haven't met anyone since that I would have wanted to marry...

... and perhaps I never will?

At this point in my life I wonder if I will ever truly find someone to love me - and for me to love.  

Time is running low.