Prior to a couple of weeks ago, I would have passed by the Four Loko display at my local liquor store without a sideways glance. Tonight, however, I glanced directly at it and brought home a couple of cans of the stuff to sample over the weekend.
Thanks, FDA, for drawing attention to a potentially death-inducing drink. You're doing your job.
I waited until the weekend because I figured, if the stuff is going to cause me a near-death experience (as the FDA would have us believe) then I'd have at least 24 hours to recover before I had to go back to work on Monday. That should leave enough time to get the breathing tube out of my throat, transfuse my blood and discharge me from the hospital. I need a couple of hours to pack my lunch and do some laundry.
So, there it is, on the top shelf of the fridge. Lemon lime and Orange blend. Between the Almond Breeze and the Cod Liver Oil. Hey, if I'm going to die, I want to make a nice looking corpse.
The beer in the middle is Dogfish Head Palo Santo Marron, a 12% alcohol brown ale that has everything Four Loko has except the fruity flavor and caffeine. That means I can pass out peacefully instead of doing crazy stuff like calling people at 2:00am and running around my condo naked. Well, sometimes I run around naked anyway, but I draw the line at calling people after 10:00pm. Just saying.
I'll file a full report on Sunday, after I am discharged. Stay tuned.