Sports of all sorts

Former Philadelphia 76er Aaron McKie was arrested and charged Monday with trying to buy two guns despite being under a protection-from-abuse order that bars such purchases. In the criminal charge, he is accused of lying by answering "no" to the gun-purchase application's question about a restraining order to protect his "child or an intimate partner or child of such partner."

"You can make an honest mistake on a gun application and pay the price," McKie's attorney, Brian McMonagle said. "I don't think anybody thinks he had any bad intentions here."

Only a lawyer can refer to a lie as an "honest mistake." Sure. People buy guns all the time. "What restraining order? Oh yeah ... that restraining order. What's the problem? I'm buying two guns but there's only one restraining order. You're sticking it to me!"

Wimbledon starts this week, and across America trained journalists will say "Wimbleton" as though that's how it's pronounced. Say it - Wimbledon. Wimbledon. Now, of course, tennis has added another layer of pomp to an already pomp-laden game by calling it Championships Wimbledon, as though that makes sense. I think they try too hard to elevate the game, like with that ridiculous scoring system ... 15, 30, 40, Love. What the fuck is that? Whatever happened to 1, 2, 3, 4? And what's Deuce? And while we're at it, stop the screaming on every shot. I never heard Annika Sorenstam scream when she hits a drive, and that golf ball will crease your skull if it hits you. Quiet down, count like a regular person and play tennis. The Wimbledon Championships. There, isn't that better? I'm leading, 2 to nothing.

Meanwhile, it turns out that Big Brown was missing a shoe in his failed Triple Crown attempt at the Belmont Stakes a few weeks ago. How does it take 3 weeks to figure out that the horse was missing a shoe? Isn’t that one of the first things you’d notice? "Hey, aren't there supposed to be four of these?" The owners also said that they will no longer give steroids to the other horses they own. That’s great. In an obvious attempt at humor, U.S. Rep. Ed Whitfield, the ranking Republican on the House Subcommittee on Commerce, Trade, and Consumer Protection, called move a good sign, but doesn’t expect to see other owners lining up behind IEAH. “I’m confident there’s not going to be a mass stampede by owners,” Whitfield told the Associated Press. Mass stampede. You’re hilarious.

I watched the Women's U.S. Olympic Gymnastics trials over the weekend (or is it the Trials Gymnastics?) Anyway, the announcers were busy pointing out tiny imperfections while a teenager was prancing on a 4-inch wide beam doing somersaults and handstands. "A tenth of a point deduction - her feet moved." Screw you, buddy, this thing is 4 inches wide. Meanwhile, I can't tell a tenth of a point. Unless they fall off or yell, "Fuck!" while they're doing it, I don't know how anyone can tell what's going on. That's why I like a timed event. These skating, gymnastics and diving deals where judges determine who wins are as bogus as Aaron McKie's gun application. Give me an event where there's a first place. I don't want a major sporting event where I get to the end and say, "I really liked the girl who finished fifth." Pointless.