I'm still trying to cope with the canvas shopping bags. I live so close to the market that I can make little trips 3 or 4 times a week. I grab a couple of canvas totes and walk on over. Invariably, the cashier tries to put something in one of those disgusting plastic bags. Yesterday it was a 4-pack of bottled water. While I'm busy packing the bags, the kid reaches for a plastic one. Ugh. Just give it to me.
On Sunday it was a container of laundry detergent which was already conveniently in its own bottle with a handle. I can carry it. That's what the handle is for. The cashiers are trained to use those dopey plastic bags, and it kills them if they can't separate the soap from the food. People walk out of the market with a dozen of them in their carts. They're killing me.
PLAY NICE, GIRLS
PHOENIX (AP) — Shaquille O'Neal will lose his special deputy’s badge in Maricopa County because of language he used in a rap video that mocks former teammate Kobe Bryant. Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio said the Phoenix Suns center’s use of a racially derogatory word and other foul language left him no choice. Arpaio made Shaq a special deputy in 2006 and promoted him to colonel of his largely ceremonial posse later that year. “I want his two badges back,” Arpaio told The Associated Press on Tuesday. “Because if any one of my deputies did something like this, they’re fired. I don’t condone this type of racial conduct.”
Hey Joe, here's a clue. Your deputies are trained law enforcement personnel. Shaquille is a basketball player. Do you understand the difference? You gave the guy an honorary badge, right? What did you expect, that he'd be out there gunning down criminals and making arrests? You should probably be relieved of your duties as well. The people of Maricopa County would be better served by someone with a (1) sense of humor and (2) a perspective. My God, this whole Shaq/Kobe thing. You're like a bunch of high school girls. Get a grip.
NASHVILLE FAT CATS
NASHVILLE, Tenn. - Fan video shot Tuesday in Auburn, Wash., shows country singer Tim McGraw help eject an unruly fan. McGraw shouts, "Get rid of this guy," summons security and helps arriving crew members haul him onstage. When the heavyset fan moves toward McGraw, the singer threatens him with a cocked fist as he's hauled away.
I love the term "heavyset." The guy was fat. Overweight. Whatever. When I was a kid, there was a pants size called Husky, for those heavyset kids who couldn't lay off the cheeseburgers. Husky was cool because it didn't sound fat. It sounded husky, but it was really fat. Fat is as fat does, Mrs. Blue.
That was back when I used to buy size "small" t-shirts. Can you even get a small t-shirt now? When I go to a sporting event and they give out the Holy Grail of gifts, the Free T-Shirt, they're always large or extra large. It's the dreaded "one size fits all" approach, where the size really doesn't fit. It should be "one size hangs on ya." I suppose they figure we'll wear them with the armpits hanging to our nipples or they'll be too small for the people who really need an XXL. You know, those heavyset people. They're set heavy. Like a regular person turned up a bit. We'll do anything but call them fat. They're Big Beautiful People, right? Unless they're assholes, in which case they're fat bastards.
It's a one size fits all world, and that one size is extra large.