Hold your breath while you're in Manhattan

NEW YORK - New York City officials assured worried residents, workers and visitors Thursday that the air was safe and free of asbestos a day after a steam pipe explosion rocked Midtown Manhattan. "Every single test we did of the air showed there is no asbestos in the air," Mayor Michael Bloomberg said.

Whew. That's a relief. Of course, if they had tested the air and found asbestos (or some other contaminant) they would be honest with the residents, thereby creating a mild panic and leaving the city liable for medical costs and possibly open to a lawsuit. So, of course the air is safe. They wouldn't lie, would they?

So, it's a good thing that New York got their restaurants to stop using trans fats, because that stuff will kill you.

"The building started shaking. There was steam and smoke billowing out of the ground ... Everybody panicked. You know what it's like now. We grabbed our stuff and ran."
—Bryan Kohler, an accountant who works from a seventh-floor office on Third Ave.

"People were running and screaming down the street. We didn't know what happened ... It was like a volcano."
—Evan Peterson works at 44th St. and Lexington Ave.

Volcanoes and smoke coming from under the street. I'm sure everything is fine. Take a deep breath and relax.
For a while.