Sunday, June 10, 2007

Sermonette

I try to take something of interest from everything I do, and make an effort to dig a little deeper into the situation than may be required. Usually, this gets on people's nerves, which may or may not be a side benefit.
On Thursday, when I arrived at Bulle Rock for the start of the McDonald's Championship, the first threesome's of the day were teeing off. When a player tees off on their first hole of the day, their name is called by the Marshall at the tee and they are announced like a boxer before a fight.
Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome to the first tee, from Miami, Florida; Christie Kerr!
It's like that. One by one the girls are announced, and they make these dead perfect drives down the first fairway. The tee is elevated from the ground, so the ball is at eye-level when they hit it, and it's an impressive sight to see them hit it high, long and straight. Most of the girls hit their drivers about 240 yards.
Then, up stepped Debby Pinnell, from New Port Richey, Florida. The Marshall said she was a teaching pro representing the Southeast something or other. She isn't an LPGA member, so she likely got an exemption from the club or a sponsor to allow her to play.
The crowd politely applauded and she waved, took a few practice strokes and addressed the ball. She took a mighty swing ... and ... hit it about 90 yards into the high grass in front of the fairway, spending its entire flight about three feet from the ground. That's when it occurred to me that there is no God, or if there is, he is a mean and vengeful one.
If He were a kind and loving God, He would have given Debby her moment in the sun. A long, straight drive off the first tee of the only major tournament she will likely ever play. But no, it went short and left.
He could have said, "Here ya go, Deb. I'm gonna give you a moment of glory, but in return for it, you're going to shoot 11 over par and probably get a traffic ticket on your way home."
I think she might have taken that trade, but as it turned out, she shot 11 over anyway.
Maybe God is just a goofy fuck with a strange sense of humor?

4 comments:

kimmyk said...

Now you're going to get a ticket for calling GOD a goofy fuck.

Brace yourself.

Anthony said...

Well, if He is a goofy fuck, he'll enjoy that I figured it out.
If he isn't, then he already knows what a goofy fuck I am, so what's one more traffic ticket? :)

Sparky Duck said...

If this was the LPGA championship, teaching professionals from all over the country compete for spots to play in this tournament. I know their are like 30 spots for the men and there must be spots for the women too. So, poor Debby has probably been swinging the driver and watching the old grey haired bitties hit the ball 10 yards for years and years and now in her one good moment, she gets to look like one of the 3 stooges of golf. I wonder who the Goddess of golf is and how she was annoyed.

Anthony said...

I chalked up her ground-ball tee shot to a serious case of jitters - teeing off in front of the assembled masses in a big-time setting. I think everyone watching (especially those who are golfers) figured the same thing, and we all felt badly for her, since her title and standing was earned.