Hammering Hank

THEM: Hey Hank, ya wanna go to a ballgame?
HANK: No.

THEM: It's a big deal. Barry's gonna break your home run record.

HANK: No.
THEM: Aww, c'mon! I'm buying.
HANK: No.

THEM: It's dollar-dog day.

HANK: No.

THEM: You'll be on the TV.

HANK: No.
THEM: Please?
HANK: No. I'm not going.
THEM: Reconsider.
HANK: No.
THEM: Wanna go play golf?
HANK: OK.

What's it going to take to get people to realize that Hank Aaron does not want to go watch Big Head Barry break his home run record? How many times are they going to ask him? I'm guessing about 755 times. Hank ain't going. He said he'd probably be playing golf, and not watching baseball. It's almost comical - if it wasn't so pathetic. Bud Selig, the Commissioner doesn't want to go, and former Commissioner Fay Vincent told Selig he shouldn't go. Nobody wants to go except maybe Barry and whomever is in the right-field bullpen when Barry is hitting or is floating in McCovey Cove with a kayak, so they can fight over the ball.

Hank is free to go to any game he wants - or not. The issue with Selig not going is a little different. Selig is the guy who makes the rules, and if his issue over not going is Bonds' steroid use, then maybe Selig ought to examine his role in the steroid issue with Bonds and all the other players. They claim to be steroid testing, but so far, the guys who have been caught and suspended have been minor leaguers and a bunch of no-name players that probably needed drugs just to stay in the minors. Selig's loose enforcement of his own rule is the reason guys like Bonds get away with what they do.

If you are a student, and the teacher says that during an exam you are allowed to peek over at your neighbor's paper and use their answer, is it cheating if you do it? Selig has spent the last ten years letting guys like McGwire, Sosa, Palmiero and (I think) Clemens and lots of other pitchers and batters get away with using steroids by implementing a toothless policy, and not enforcing it. Random testing is bullshit, plain and simple. If he really wanted to stop it ... really wanted to ... he would implement mandatory testing for everyone and treat each of his superstars the way he treats minor leaguers, but baseball doesn't want that. They want us to think that they are doing the right thing. They like the home run, and the race between McGwire and Sosa saved baseball for that season. They have no intention of stopping it.

Hank, play golf if you want. The whole thing is a big TV show anyway. ESPN will be following Bonds' every movement when he gets within 3 home runs of the record, and each strike out, ground ball or pop up will be another excruciating example of the hype and glorious money machine that baseball, and pro sports has become.

Then, the fight over the ball will begin.

I can hardly wait.

Oh - and, um ... Paula lost yesterday. She played like crap and finished second to Young Kim, who played slightly less like crap. At least slightly less enough to win, if that makes any sense. Goodfed up my whole day. She said, "It was just, you know, I really don't know what happened out there. I tried talking it over with Colin, my golf swing, with my caddie, and just couldn't get that confidence back after the second hole. I hit it to the right on that hole and ever since then it was just not happening."

Get it straightened out, Paula. Maryland is two weeks away.