Sunday, June 11, 2006

The Scourge of Our Nation

TABERNACLE, NJ - An invasion of gypsy moths has been destroying thousands of acres of New Jersey forests in the span of a month, setting the state up for its worst outbreak since the caterpillars defoliated 140,000 acres in 2001. And that's disrupting life for numerous Garden State residents, such as Bruce Long, who can't get the concrete patio around his pool clean. A power washer can't even get rid of the feces stains left by the gypsy moth caterpillars that invaded his yard, and the thousands of caterpillars he's killed cover his land. "It's like something out of a horror movie," the 55-year-old sales manager told Gannett New Jersey for Saturday's editions. "It's the grossest thing I've seen in my life."
Oh, my what a shame. Pooor Brucie can't keep his pool clean because the gypsy moths - that he probably chased out as a result of building his home in the woods - are invading his precious property. Suck it up, Bruce. The moths were here first.
It cannot possibly be the grossest thing you've ever seen, but it sure looks good in the newspaper. As for me, tearing down acres of woodland to build half-million dollar homes is much "grosser" than a little gypsy moth poop on your diving board. These people kill me, and their incessant whining has encouraged the governor to allocate $750,000 to ease their suffering. The money - my money - would be better spent on psychological counseling and a bottle of pills.
I'm 7 years younger than you, Bruce, and we went through this in the 1980s, but I can't imagine that you were here for that. The state paid to have the trees sprayed, and it turned out that the trees won by repelling the moths on their own. Nature found a way to combat the problem without our help, or in spite of it. Meanwhile, the state wasted a ton of money to appease a panicked populace.
If you want to see something out of a horror movie, my dear boy, take a look at your property tax bill. Maybe the moths would like a crack at that?


Kate Michele said...

WOW!! The government is allocating 750,000 thousand dollars to take care of the moth??? Don;t they think there are better uses for the money?? Perhaps starving homeless children?? And isn't weird that the enviromentalist would allow them to "get rid" of harmless moths, but not let us drill for our own oil.... because that would be cruel to the enviroment, but its ok to kill innocent bugs and make us poor folk pay 3.00 a gallon in gas. Rendering us stranded cause we can barely afford to drive to work, but hey give 750,000 dollars to kill MOTHS!!!

****ok I'm done ranting now!!****

kimmyk said...

I wonder if they've ever seen the cockroaches in georgia?

they're scarey.