It's Not Easy Being Green

One of the cool things about blogging is that we get to share ideas, and although we are strangers, we somehow bond on this strange electronic level. Sometimes, I think there may be more ideas exchanged here than most married couples exchange in their lifetimes. Particularly, I love it when otherwise unrelated blogs express opinions on similar issues. Today was one of those days. There are two related posts that crossed my screen today.

One from Kate and another from Kara. Kara's was directly related to something I posted Tuesday and an article she read; while Kate's was more of an general question, that relates on another level. Isn't this fun?

Where Kate's and Kara's are related is in the area of self-respect and acceptance, and why it is important to us. One would think that independent adults would be resigned to the fact that it shouldn't matter what others think, but we are certainly beholden to the opinions and ideas of others to validate the ideas and expressions that we have.

My comment to Kara expressed an opinion about the blue for boys and pink for girls issue: I'm especially interested in the blue/pink aspect of the discussion. So often, store ads (usually for athletic shoes) throw me with the color choices. I consider myself to be a "normal" guy, but I find appeal in some of the women's colors. The muted pastels and lighter colors appeal to me, but they are women's sneaks. The men's are generally more contrasty, and generally black/grey/white or dark blue. I wonder if most of us go along to get along, or if the color choices were equally available, whether more men would choose different colors. Then, how would "society" label us?

Kate's issue was the insecurity that we feel (yes, Katie, men feel it too). I avoided public contact by going to the LJS on Monday because, deep down, I feel that we should constantly be approved. As though, if I wore a pair of pastel-colored sneakers, society would label me as less manly than someone who had chosen the black or white choice. As though the part of the brain that chooses the color is the part that chooses the sexual orientation. Does it matter? It says here that it doesn't.
Chances are, Kate, that if I wore light blue sneakers the comments wouldn't be fake, but would they necessarily be honest?

Would people express an opinion on the light blue shoes because they felt that society demanded they do so, or because they really felt that way? It's a difficult question, and one that requires a dose of sodium pentothal. Our friends may say "nice shoes" or they may choose to ridicule "nice shoes, Mary". Either way, we would not know if the comment was driven by society or genuine. We must choose to believe or not believe whatever a loved one says, regardless of what society tells us we should think, which is where the issue of gender roles comes in.

"A woman's place is in the home" is as old as the people who believe it, and it is an idea that dies a slow death, and if we are to believe the salary numbers, it is still kicking. Somehow, society believes that the work that a woman does, whether identical to a man or not, is of less value than the work of a man. Why that is would take more space than I have available to explain, but it just is. We believe it and move on. The idea that women should be treated the same as men has been slow to catch on, simply because the fact that we are different is so obvious as to make it difficult to overcome.

The role of the man has always been to support the woman. It takes a different type of individual to embrace the idea that a woman would be the bread-winner, and even more difficult for society to embrace and accept. I know a house-husband personally, and his role has been ridiculed by others (behind his back, of course) while the role of a house-wife (hyphenated intentionally) would be accepted.

Again, this would take enormous amounts of space to explain. So, dear Kate and Kara (and whomever else may apply), my only words of advice and consolation would be to accept who you are. You are both independent-thinking, beautiful creations of the world. You cannot change what others think. You can only think for yourself. Whether the bounds of feminism dictates it or the bounds of society do, it is only restricted by what we think of ourselves - light blue shoes or not.

I had an english teacher in high school who, whenever anyone would mention a famous person and how they were admired, would reply, "He picks his nose". What he meant by that was that we are all the same, and the fame that one achieves is only defined by their job, not by who they are, because they are us.

His belief was that we should behave as we wish, without the adherent views of how society will perceive us. As long as we are doing what we believe to be right, we are within our bounds as people.

Another of his common replies, when asked how we were perceived in public was, "He doesn't know you", which told us that we should not be held to impossible standards established by people we do not know.

"We're all the same schmuck" - Lenny Bruce