Falling far short of their programming needs, today, ESPN decided to broadcast the World Championships of Paintball. I know what you're thinking ... there's a championship of paintball? You bet there is, and it's on TV, which makes it a major event. I happened across it while touring the dial trying to avoid watching the Phillies.
A team from one of those Nordic countries was playing a team from Great Britian, and the announcer made a remark that made me think. Go figure, thinking during a paintball match. He was talking about one of the players (are they called players?) named Lundquist - guess which team he was on - and he described him as "the Zoolander of the sport of Paintball." That bought to mind three questions...
1 - Who the heck is Zoolander?
2 - Is Paintball a sport? ... and
3 - What the Hell does 'the Zoolander of paintball' mean?
If you can figure it out, feel free to post a comment, because I need to catch up on my sleep.
Meanwhile, you may also ask, why I was avoiding watching the Phillies? It's not only because they are a bad baseball team right now, because they are just as bad off the field as they are on. On Friday, Phillies pitcher Brett Myers was arrested for physically abusing his wife on a Boston street corner. According to police reports, he struck her twice with a closed fist and she was heard to say, "I'm not going to let you do this to me anymore." The key word there is 'anymore', implying that it has happened at least one other time.
I don't know how the story has played where you live, dear readers, but here in the Philadelphia area, it is getting a lot of exposure. I don't need to go into the disgusting nature of violence against women, and neither do I need to expand on the allegations, since, without benefit of proper legal proceedings, are strictly the stuff of reports, two independent witnesses notwithstanding.
What made me seek out other forms of entertainment (if you can count paintball as entertainment) is the fact that Myers was pitching today's game in Boston. It was difficult for me to look at him without thinking about the horrible accusations, and I wondered why the Phillies would even want him on the mound in a nationally televised game. But such is the nature of professional sports (even paintball?) that louts and near-criminals are given a stage on which to ply their craft. It isn't relegated to sports, but today it was the focus of attention for over 3 hours.
The thing that bothered me about the baseball game was the fact that the Phillies trotted Myers out there as though nothing had happened. I had trouble looking at his stupid face, and I couldn't help but make the connection between him and his behavior. I'm very close to being done with pro sports altogether. Let them play their games and beat their wives if they want, but include me out.
Today's promotion at Fenway Park should have been "Paintball Day", where all fans were given a paintball gun and instructed to aim it at Myers. Now, that's entertainment!