Thursday, April 1, 2010

Almost got me.

OK, so April Fools' Day is over (or as it is sometimes called All Fools' Day) and as usual, the Internet was rife with phony news stories designed to reel us in and make us look ... foolish.
WASHINGTON (AFP) – The United States will get its latest unemployment count Friday, with high expectations that the tally will herald an improving job market and a quickening economic recovery.
Sure. Har, de har. With Obama pushing the country to the brink of ruin, how could anything good happen?
WASHINGTON – Reversing course, Army Secretary John McHugh warned soldiers Thursday that they still can be discharged for acknowledging they are gay, saying he misspoke earlier this week when he suggested the military's "don't ask, don't tell" policy had been temporarily suspended.
April Fool, you gay bastards! We really got you with that one. How cool is it that it took about 20 years to formulate that one? Good pranks take time.
PORTLAND, Maine – Facing a public still wary of his massive health care overhaul, President Barack Obama urged Americans not to judge the nearly $1 trillion legislation he signed into law last week until the reforms take hold.
During an enthusiastic, campaign-style appearance in Maine's largest city, Obama mocked the pundits and pollsters who say he isn't getting a boost from his yearlong campaign to pass the sweeping reform.
Sure, like I'm going to believe that. Patience? Where is patience when we're rushing headlong into Socialism? How are the Republicans supposed to remain relevant if they can't scare us into a panic? Nice try. The next thing you're going to tell me is that Sarah Palin has her own TV show. Oh.
Meanwhile, at least one store seems to be in the spirit of the day...
NORFOLK, Va. – A Poquoson man who said he fell after stepping in dog feces at a PetSmart store has filed a $1 million negligence lawsuit against the company. Robert Holloway alleges in his lawsuit in U.S. District Court that he badly injured his back, struck his head and knocked out four teeth when he slipped in January 2009 at a Newport News PetSmart. He alleges that PetSmart and its manager should have protected him from a hazardous condition created when they allowed animals to defecate on the floor.
In court documents, Phoenix-based PetSmart denied the negligence allegations.
Poop? Really? Is that the best you can do?

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