I'll gladly pay you Tuesday ...

We're conflicted, us humans. How? Glad you asked. There is a glut of gluttonous food available to us, and even though we keep hearing about how morbidly obese we are as a species, food products are foist upon us that aim to keep us that way.

The latest deal at McDonald's is a third of a pound Angus beef burger for four bucks. A third of a pound. It even has its own web site.

The Angus Third Pounder ranges from 720 calories to 860 calories. Most of us can get by on 1,200 to 1,500 calories a day. Have one of these boys with the requisite fries and soft drink and you can survive the rest of the day on tree bark and pond water, since your body can presumably live off the half-hour of intake.

Burger King puts the word "Angry" in front of a couple of their sandwiches, including the Angry Chicken:

Tender, premium breaded white meat chicken filet topped with sizzling bacon, Pepper Jack cheese, deliciously spicy jalapenos, angry onions and our signature angry sauce. It’s a TENDERCRISP® with a kick.

It's 1,030 calories and 61 grams of fat, 2,640 milligrams of sodium and 40 grams of protein. FYI: The body can only process 30 grams of protein in three hours, so God knows what happens to the rest of it. That should make you angry. Cut it into four pieces and eat it throughout the day.

The Angry Whopper is actually fewer calories and fat, but it's based on "pre-cooked patty weight," but then, isn't everything? The funny thing is that they price these things so cheaply that they're hard to resist, especially for their low-income customers who probably balance their low income with their high weight, but that's a topic for another day. To their credit, Burger King offers a Veggie Burger, but I've never seen the King promoting it on the TV. Pity.

At the grocery store tonight, I picked up some Healthy Choice Cafe Steamers and something they call Complete Meals, which contain some protein, carbs and a little desert-type thing. They're all between 250 and 350 calories each, which should be plenty for one human meal, not to mention being priced at 3 for 9 dollars. I bought six. The cashier asked, "Have you ever had these?"
I replied, "Yes - they're very good."

She said, "My husband likes them too. He eats two at a time."

"Kind of defeats the purpose, don't it," I said, realizing my poor English balanced out his poor eating habits.

"Yeah, it does," she acknowledged. "He's getting a little pouch."

"Well, if people put their ear up to his stomach and say 'I hear a kick' it's time to cut down."

Two at a time. That's why they make "low fat" potato chips and put them in a 60-ounce bag -- so you'll eat the entire bag. But they're low fat. For now.

I guess we just like to eat, and it seems like the bigger we get, the more options we have to feed our fat. Jumbo size, super size, extra large ...

Just like us.