My Presidential platform

I might decide to run for president. If I do, I've plotted out my platform. It has nothing to do with high gasoline prices, health care reform or taxes. Those things are out of our control, so let's work on the things we can fix.

Drive-thru windows at fast food places will be limited to two total orders. Anybody ordering from a list, ordering anything that involves more than two beverages or who has a carload of young athletes will immediately have their order rescinded and made to get out of their car and move their fat ass inside. The Drive-thru window should be the food equivalent of the supermarket Express Lane.

Children and animals will not be allowed to be used in advertising.

Network television will be limited to two "reality" shows. I don't care which ones, pick two. And they cannot be scheduled on the same night.

Speaking of television, it will once again be free. Cable television is the biggest scam perpetrated on the American public since one-hour Martinizing. Networks get their revenue from advertisers. Cable channels have commercials, so what are we paying for? It can either be free with advertising or I'll pay for it but get rid of the commercials.

If it rains on Saturday or Sunday, workers get Monday off. We're entitled to at least two days of rest per week, and when it rains on one of them, the only thing we have to look forward to is another week of work before the weather roulette wheel spins.

President's Day and Veterans Day will be moved to June and August. Nobody needs a day off in February or November. Move those holidays to the summer so we can use them for something instead of shoveling snow or sleeping late. I don't want more holidays, so let's make better use the ones we have.

I will enact a ban on prescription drug advertising on television. We already have one for cigarettes. We need another one for drugs that tell us to "ask your doctor if [drug] is right for you." My doctor's job is to tell me what is right for me. I don't need television making me think I need a drug because I wake up at night to pee.

While we're at it, we don't need any new laws. So, for every new law Congress passes, we take one off the books. We can start with marijuana and work downward from there.

There's way too much packaging. No more plastic bags. Bars of soap will be sold without wrapping and consumers will be encouraged (forced) to bring re-usable canvas bags to the department store. Any store clerk who puts something in a bag that is already in a bag or comes with a handle will be fined.

Two children per household. Period. There are already too many people, and it's impossible to find a parking space. We don't need any more people. If you want more, you can adopt one that is already here.

No vehicles over 5,000 pounds will be sold for personal use.

The personal income tax will be reformed so that tax payers will not have to fill out a form and spend hundreds of dollars and worry about possible perjury and imprisonment. We'll take the taxes out of your paycheck and you're done. If you're good at saving you should be rewarded for it. The federal government should make enough money during the year without either giving back thousands or taking it in. Filing personal income taxes is an unnecessary burden.

There's probably more. I could search the blog and come up with some, but you get the picture. None of those things are on the agenda of the big-time candidates, but I'd bet that your lives would be happier and less complicated with some of these things, and isn't that the point?