Happy Sexto de Mayo, bitches.

I'm not sure where to get asshole wax, but I'm pretty sure it's one of those jobs I'd have to do myself. I don't think I could pay someone enough to do the asshole wax job. I checked the Yellow Pages. Nothing.

Great. Now, here comes the Google searches. Welcome a-hole waxers.

But really, it's over-stating it a bit (a lot) but are there any of the presidential candidates that make you want to wax your asshole? I see a lot of sign-carrying enthusiasm, which I see every 4 years, but I have a hard time figuring out what all the enthusiasm is about.

I think the last number I read was 3.5 million new voters, mostly on the Democrat side. Maybe those are the people cheering and jumping up and down? I suppose it's the age and cynicism of having been through a dozen or so of these things, but I'm not hearing a lot of "change the world" ideas coming from these people.

A gas tax holiday? Really, that's not ass-wax worthy. That's a purely American quick-fix "tell them what they want to hear" solution that isn't really a solution. It's a zero-percent interest rate offer that goes up to 20 percent when the offer is over. It's a time delay screwing.

The deeper we get into this election process the less impressed I am with any of them, and I'm left with the age-old "lesser of two evils" approach to voting which doesn't make me want to wax my chest hair, let alone any other part.

Those 3.5 million new voters who are excited about the process will invariably be turned-off when the rug is yanked out from under them when they find out that either their candidate will not get the nomination or that the candidate that does disappoints them. One of the two will most assuredly happen.

Then, we're left finding another bunch who are willing to carry signs and scream. They'll find them somewhere because we're a gullible bunch, but we also don't like to be lied to, which is where the disappointment comes in.

I think their political energy could be better spent working on solutions to their own personal problems that have more to do with the current state of America than anything a politician can fix.

Or not fix.