12 Angry Drunks.

MEXICO CITY — The Absolut vodka company apologized over the weekend for an ad campaign depicting the southwestern United States as part of Mexico amid angry calls for a boycott by U.S. consumers. But the ads, which ran only in Mexico and have since ended, were less than ideal for Americans embroiled in an emotional debate over illegal immigration from their southern neighbor.
More than a dozen calls to boycott Absolut were posted on michellemalkin.com, a website operated by conservative columnist Michelle Malkin. The ads sparked heated comment on a half-dozen other Internet sites and blogs.

Really, a dozen calls? Out of 310 million Americans? What a furor must have developed at Absolut headquarters, which, according to the map is somewhere in Venezuela.

ABSOLUT: Hey, remember that ad with the big Mexico thing?

AD GUY: Barely. I think it was just for the Mexicans.

ABSOLUT: I know, but guess what? We had 12 people complain about it.

AD GUY: Wow. That doubles our projected exposure.

ABSOLUT: I know. Hey ...

AD GUY: What?

ABSOLUT: Ever heard of Michelle Malkin?

AD GUY: Not until just now.

Isn't it fascinating to see the types of things that upset people in our so-called progressive society? In the mid-20th century, you could go to a restaurant and see signs that said NEGROES MAY BUY HERE or WHITE-ONLY WATER FOUNTAIN or WHITE-ONLY RESTROOM. Those types of signs offended millions of people, yet they continued for decades. Today, in our U2/Bono/enlightened/World-view society an unknown conservative columnist and not even a busload of (supposedly) angry protesters has influenced a large distiller of spirts to pull an ad that isn't even run in the country that protested.

Can somebody explain this to me?

Naturally the company, fearing that the angry bloggers will influence at least 12 other people, has decided to do the politically correct thing and back peddle...

"In no way was it meant to offend or disparage, nor does it advocate an altering of borders, nor does it lend support to any anti-American sentiment, nor does it reflect immigration issues," Absolut said in a statement left on its consumer inquiry phone line.

So what does it do, exactly? Other than piss off a handful of people, I mean. I'll tell you one positive thing it did. It seems to have eliminated Texas entirely, so there ya go. My statement would have gone something like...

"Fuck you if you can't take a joke. This was an advertisement for vodka, dumbass. If you want to do something with your anger, protest real things that are happening to real people and not some made-up ad that is intended to attract attention to itself. Stop calling us."

Meanwhile, the company issued a non-apology apology...

"As a global company, we recognize that people in different parts of the world may lend different perspectives or interpret our ads in a different way than was intended in that market, and for that we apologize."

In other words, people are different, and we are sorry.

Accepted.

Now have a drink and shut up.