Thursday Thirteen v.11

I wasn't planning a Thirteen this week, but a post by Pam inspired this one, and even as I write this introduction, I'm hoping I can finish it.

Thirteen Sliding Doors

For those of you who don't know what that means, it's a reference to the movie, starring Gwyneth Paltrow. It's about a woman who is fired from her job at a PR company, and is forced to take stock of her life. When the doors of a tube car close on her, we see what happens if she had made the train, or if she had not. Here are my sliding doors, in no particular order:

1 - 1967, my father died. Leaving my mother widowed, it changed the way I see life. A child at the age of 9, forced to deal with the death of a beloved father and best friend. It wasn't a choice of mine, I know, but still, the elusive bliss began to evade me right then. It was the day I got fired from my PR company.

2 - Didn't try out for the Jazz band. A few high school buddies wanted me to audition as the bass player of the high school jazz band. I love jazz, and the band would go on to win state championships, but I played guitar, not bass - and didn't want to take a spot from a more deserving candidate. The bass player they picked was lousy. I would have been better, and the band would have had more fun with me in it.

3 - Didn't go to college after high school. I graduated at 17, and wasn't mature enough to go. And, because mom never re-married, I had to go to work, because we could not afford school.

4 - My drafting class. In high school, I took a 3-period block of drafting instead of the college prep courses I should have taken. If you can stand a little self-indulgence; I was too smart for the class. It turned out to be full of hoodlums, and I stood out like the proverbial sore thumb. The drafting was "easy", I was told, and it led to a life of...

5 - My drafting job. Right out of high school, another friend hooked me up with a job at an Engineering/Land Surveying office. I took it, because I had nothing else. I worked there 15 miserable years.

6 - The band broke up. My one and only band broke up in 1981, after 5 years. I never auditioned for another and never tried to re-form another band. That was the unceremonious end to my music career. I always regretted giving it up, and wonder what would have happened if I had continued.

7 - Never moved out. I lived "at home" until I was married at the age of 30. I never moved out, never took a chance at poverty, and never really tried what I wanted to do...

8 - The stand-up career. I have no fear of speaking in front of people, as long as I am prepared. At times, I can be very funny, and when I can't, I can hire someone to write for me so that I can be prepared. It would have been a hoot. I always wondered what would have happened if I had moved to New York, started waiting tables and doing 2am open-mic's. Even if I failed, at least I could have said I tried.

9 - Married late in life. Later than some, anyway. She was the only serious relationship I had, and several times we contemplated breaking up. Can't help but wonder what would have happened if I followed through. The marriage ended in divorce, and while I got a home out of the deal, the choices I made along the way contributed to where I am now...

10 - Finally attended college. I started at 40, and finished in August. Bachelor's Degree in Accounting. If I had gone to college when I was 18, I would most likely be teaching high school history or english now. Then, where would I be?

11 - The various girlfriends. Either I tried too hard, or not hard enough. Whatever, the choices are way too complicated and varied to disclose here. Suffice it to say, any one of them would have given me a different set of doors to slide through. And, perhaps any one of them would have been a better choice than the one I ended up marrying.

12 - Complacency. The catch-all for every decision I've made that did not require any effort to execute. Whatever is happening now is always more convenient than what could be happening later if we would let it.

13 - The Blog. After several months of careful consideration, I started this worthwhile project. Along the way, I have made many cyber-friends and even one very special one who is not so cyber. It will be another life-altering door that slides one way or the other, and as I continue, the door stays open.

Thank you, dear cyber friends, for keeping it open, and to the special one who is making it slide.