The Cold Ice

When the summer night has changed its warmer breezes to the icy cold of silent winter freezes

Will you be there?

When the cloudy skies are blocking out the Sun and suddenly your nose has begun to run

Will I see you there?

Will you stand by me beside the cold night?

Or are you afraid of the ice?

 - John Palumbo "Ice" Crack the Sky, 1975

Apparently, not.  At least that's the feeling I got from the last woman I gave my heart and time to.  She dumped me like a bag of trash left out on the sidewalk.  (sorry if that isn't as poetic as the lyric I posted)

I put myself out for people, on occasion.  In some cases, the effort is reciprocated.  In others, it is met with a stunning lack of recognition.  Mind you, it's not what I'm in it for, but the idea is that - at some point, the effort has to be recognized.  Gifts, time, effort, and companionship are expended and the time and effort are virtually (or literally in this case) not recognized or even acknowledged.  That's sad.

A person travels a great distance at great personal expense, and expects at least some form of friendly reciprocation, but instead, he is met with not only a total lack of thanks or any form of heartfelt acknowledgement.  It hurts, and it makes me wary of expending the effort for the next woman who comes along - if there is one.

Mind you, I'm not asking for anything, but one would expect a certain amount of - oh, I don't know - effort expended on the other side.  After all, I did make the effort.  Even charities send 'thank you' emails and the giver gets a tax deduction.  

While it's true that the trip was ruined in many ways, the stunning lack of communication afterward is, well - stunning.  What I did receive was a string of excuses and semi-blaming ideas that the fault lied with the giver.  So, there's that.

If this is cryptic to you in some fashion, I'm sure that the person to whom it is directed does not find it so.  And, to those of you who may have figured-out my message and know the story behind it - good on you.  To the others, I'll be happy to let you in on my latest disappointment if you are so interested.

Since I have no other outlet, let this be mine.  Whether it draws her out or buries her deeper in my life is of no consequence.  

The damage has been done, and it is clear that she is afraid of the ice.