Things you haven't thought about - which is probably why you're reading this.

I love upheaval. I love it when conventional thinking goes out the window, or when something that was created by people who are supposed to know what they're doing turns out to be a giant mess.

The Seattle Seahawks won the NFC's Western division with a losing 7-9 record. That pisses off a lot of football people because a "losing team" isn't supposed to win anything. Not only that, but the Seahawks get to host a playoff game when the 11-5 Saints travel two time zones to play them on Saturday. Needless to say, I'm rooting like hell for the Seahawks, because football people will be in a crazy-assed snit over yet another breach of their little kingdom. Never mind that they made the divisions and the rules - it's just wrong.

The Commonwealth of Pennsylvania gave the okey-dokey to build casinos in the state a while ago. Since then, several kids have been left in automobiles while their gambling parents went inside to bet. Now, they have sponsored a series of TV commercials featuring a guy who goes to the ATM to get gambling money, only to find "insufficient funds." He then runs out to his car to root through the seats for change. A graphic for the state-sponsored gambling addition website comes up, and gamblers are supposed to recognize themselves and log on for help. The state thinks that, because the web site hasn't had that many hits, that there isn't a gambling problem. As though people are good at recognizing their own problems.

Meanwhile, Governor Ed Rendell wants to check around for areas that area "underserved" (his word) by casinos so that they can build more. What's funny about it (other than everything) is that the governor uses the word underserved, as though serving people is part of the casino business. I don't have enough time to explain that, so if you don't understand, just skip ahead.

The state, in its wisdom, created an entire industry (gambling) that now requires an adjunct industry (anti-gambling) that wasn't necessary before the state created casino gambling. Meanwhile, I can't figure out why there is an unemployment problem. I'd guess that one could find gainful employment in either the gambling or anti-gambling industry, since those are brand new jobs that didn't exist until they were made necessary by state legislation.

Then, I'm watching TV (because I can't afford to gamble) and there's a commercial for toilet tissue (which they refuse to call toilet paper) where the woman in the ad proclaims that her brand makes her "clean" after she wipes. I don't know about you (and don't want to) but I almost never feel clean after I wipe my deification off any part of my body with a piece of thin paper. I need soap.

With all the nonsense going around about anti-bacterial gel and washing your hands so that you don't contaminate people, how do they get away with telling us that wiping your ass with paper makes you clean? I'd guess that bidets would be more popular, if we only had room for them. There isn't any soap, but at least the water is an improvement.

Which reminds me -- don't you think that the dirtiest thing you can put your hands on -- other than a bank drive-in canister or a buffet serving spoon -- is the dispenser on top of the hand sanitizer gel? People with dirty hands have spent their day pressing that thing and rubbing gel on themselves. By using it, you're cleaning your hands that were made dirty by the thing you're using to clean them.

So, if you want to stay clean and sanitized, keep your hands off the sanitizer gel.

I came here to help the humans.