Teleplasty

Just when you think society has sunk as low as it can, somebody figures out a way to dig the hole a little deeper. E! has developed a television program called "Bridalplasty" (that's right) where new brides compete for (among other things) a wish list of plastic surgery. I suppose there is no shortage of people who feel lousy about themselves to the point that they would go on television to tell friends, family and strangers about it, and television is always there for them. The "winner" gets to change the way she looks right before her big day. I suppose, at that point she's stuck with the groom and his flaws while he gets the "hot wife" he's pining for.

I have no idea (nor do I want to know) what the "challenges" are. I can imagine. Perhaps a "biggest nose" competition where the girls try out various odors and the first one to recognize the smell wins. Or "smallest boobs," where the winner is the girl who can squeeze into that Kids' Size top. The smallest score wins, just like golf. And I'd assume that an IQ test would yield similar results.

So who is the real winner here? It sure as hell isn't good taste. I suppose a variation on the old joke works here: I wouldn't marry any woman who would go on television to compete for plastic surgery. Check you local listings.

I have an idea for a new show. A television program where viewers get to do make-over's on stupid television shows. We get to eliminate hosts, stupid concepts and stupid participants in an effort to win our ultimate TV viewing experience. I compete every week. It's called a channel-changer.

I win.