More people listen to Oprah than their doctor.

His doctors had told him not to play this week. They had said his left knee might not just wind up sore, but re-injured, perhaps for a long time, perhaps forever, perhaps making this wincing, limping Tiger Woods of Torrey Pines the norm. “I’m not really good at listening to doctor’s orders,” Woods said.

Who is? Certainly not most people, some of whom are told to stop smoking because it will kill them or to quit eating so much because they're bigger than a house. Sure, the guy won a major golf championship and some money, and I guess now we'll forever be forced to listen to the "legend" of the U.S. Open at Torrey Pines. Gosh. Let's see, if his knee hurts and he can't play anymore what does he have? A zillion dollars, a beautiful wife and child. That's horrible. The rest of us will have to endure the wincing, limping Tiger Woods and the horrible circumstances that he withstood to win at golf, proving that you should never listen to your doctor.

I was at the Phillies game last night (against doctor's orders) and the guy next to me is ordering a beverage from a vendor who was carrying both water and Miller Lite beer.

"I'll take one!" he shouts, oblivious to his odd order.

"One what?" the vendor asks, clutching the situation.

"Beer," he said, horribly mistaking Lite beer for beer.

I was tempted to interject that he was probably better off with the water because, not only is it $2.50 cheaper than beer, but probably contains slightly more alcohol, and besides, doctors tell us to drink more water.

I never understood the fascination with the Lite beer. It tastes horrible and doesn't accomplish most of the reason people drink beer - to get drunk. I think it's partly the marketing of it and partly the idea that people think it's somehow better for you, even though most people I see drinking it look like they're carrying a basketball in their shirt.

Beer is a miserable beverage, and has little to do with quenching thirst (marketing to the contrary) or "great taste" as they say. Mostly, it's a less expensive alternative to mixed drinks and really easy to carry around, because you don't have to ... mix anything. That's why the flavored "malt beverages" like those Twisted Tea's are popular. By the way, they're practically beer, or just flavored malt, which is kind of like beer without the foamy head.

I learned that when I took the tour of the Jack Daniel's distillery and they told us that to make JD, they first have to make beer as it passes through the process. Then, a couple of years later they started selling those little bottles of what appears to be Jack Daniels Lynchburg Lemonade, but is actually a malt beverage made up to taste like a mixed drink. They're good at what they do. Smirnoff and those other guys started doing it. The label says "flavored malt beverage" which is kind of like beer.

This has been a complete ramble and posted only to fulfill my need to take up space on the Internet.

My doctor says it's good for me. I don't know what Oprah says.