My Sick Mind

Rampart (n) A defensive mound of earth or a wall with a broad top and usually a stone parapet. An embarkment for defensive purposes. Even before the Super Bowl got started, there was excitement. While Christina Aguilera was singing "The Star Spangled Banner," something didn't sound right. Like you, I've heard the song hundreds of times, and when a word (or five) is misplaced, it's noticeable. You have all seen it and read about it, so I'll spare you the analysis. Suffice it to say, Christina is proud of our ramparts. Later, she would say that "I got caught up in the moment of the song and I lost my place." I suppose that would be a valid excuse for a person who has never been on a stage or sung in front of people, but she is supposed to be a professional, and as such, shouldn't get "caught up" in anything. Other than her goofy rendition, the thing that I got caught up in was that she said "Thank you" after she finished si...

I heard on the radio today that the median price for a ticket to next Sunday's Super Bowl (a.k.a. The Big Game) on Stubhub is $3500. Median price. If you paid attention in math class you know what median means. Taking a look at the listings shows me that the median is a bit skewed by some outrageous prices. The lowest price is $1,536 for upper level end zone and there are luxury suites priced between $69,000 and $308,000. For that kind of money the seat should come with a blow job. The caveat in the $308,000 is that the suite will "accommodate up to 40 people" so let's split that up amongst our buddies. It doesn't look as bad when you figure all you'd have to do is chip-in $7,700 each to see the game. I don't know 40 people, let alone 40 who have that kind of scratch to see a football game that they'll probably wind up watching on the TV in the luxury suite. You'll also notice that the ads that are running for the Super Bowl call it "The...

Sorry to say I missed some of it. I fell asleep during the third quarter, before the heroics (or so I hear) and since I admitted as much at work today, I was greeted witht the blank stares of people who otherwise didn't care about the game until it got good. It was in all the papers though, so I heard as much as I needed to hear. As for Bruce, he was OK. He's losing his voice - the by-product of 30 years of screaming like a maniac. The lyric adjustment to "Glory Days" from speedball to Hail Mary was a questionable, I thought. I know, it's a football game and it's a song about baseball. We get it. It made me cringe. Actually, speedball made me cringe when I first heard it, as did the accompanying video where he tries to throw. Nobody calls it a speedball, unless you're hanging out with Richard Pryor. Stick to music, Bruce. The commercials were forgettable. I've seen enough talking babies. Let's move on. The one most people thought was good - t...

Here. Have respect for your opponent. Which is the cool part about blogging. We always have our legacy to fall back on. The Eagles made a valiant effort but fell short, as they often do. The story around here on Monday will be about how Donovan McNabb almost never runs the team to a two-minute victory. They were 7 points down with 2:45 to go and failed at four attempts. That's the story in the end. In fact, they lost the game in the first half. We tend not to focus on the first part of anything, tending to lean on the second part. In the second part, they had a chance, but the gap they left themselves with made the second half almost insurrmoutable. Now comes the off-season where fans will debate the future of the quarterback and coach. That's half the fun. The other half is going to a Super Bowl.

DAR ES SALAAM, Tanzania - President Bush on Sunday said Congress should renew his global AIDS program and preserve a requirement that steers money into abstinence efforts. Ain't that just like Bush? Promote something that is socially impossible while making it look like he's looking out for your best interests? Tell people that they have to resist something that is against their most primal urges, while they would appear to be working toward a global good. That sounds a lot like his war in Iraq. Politically, money thrown at something is a good thing, but throwing it at abstinence is throwing it away. If you're like me (and I hope you're not) you wonder what happens to those Super Bowl shirts and hats that proclaim the loser as "Super Bowl Champion". You are, right? Well, for a mere $40 (plus shipping) you can have your very own New England Patriots 19-0 T-Shirt. Click here and make your bid. If it wasn't for the sake of the 40 bucks, I'd get one mys...

Super Bowl. There, I said it. I didn't say "The Big Game" or whatever other pseudonym they make advertisers use. The NFL has copyrighted Super Bowl and Super Sunday, just so you know. You might accidentally ask someone what they're doing for "Super Bowl Sunday" (which may be two violations) and that person might be working for the NFL (also copyrighted) and sue your ass for ... something. I don't know. There are plenty of ads for stuff to do on Sunday. I think you're still allowed to call it Sunday, unless the Catholics have copyrighted that one. They have to disguise it as The Big Game or The Big Day - something big, that's for sure. They like to use the Roman numerals too. It looks manly I guess. I think the one I'm using has too many letters. It won't fit on a hat or T-shirt. I can't wait for Super Bowl L. That just won't look right, but hey, they made their bed. In case you're keeping track, Super Bowl L will be in MMXV...

They already know it's going to be 128 pages. They know it's being published on February 11, 2008. They even have an ISBN number. What surprises me is that they don't have a cover yet. C'mon, gang; get it together! For the conspiracy theorists among us, here it is: 19-0: The Historic Championship Season of New England's Unbeatable Patriots by The Boston Globe (Author) Available for pre-order now on Amazon.com. $14.95 plus shipping. Really. Click here and get yours today. Gift wrap available.

NEW YORK - In the sensitive post-wardrobe malfunction world, some are questioning whether a guitar was just a guitar during Prince's Super Bowl halftime show. Prince's acclaimed performance included a guitar solo during the "Purple Rain" segment of his medley in which his shadow was projected onto a large, flowing beige sheet. As the 48-year-old rock star let rip, the silhouette cast by his figure and his guitar (shaped like the singer's symbol) had phallic connotations for some. NFL Spokesman Greg Aiello said that the NFL has received no complaints. " We respect other opinions, but it takes quite a leap of the imagination to make a controversy of his performance," Aiello said. "It's a guitar." Of course it is. But it's a guitar because you KNOW it's a guitar. Suppose you just cut to it after a play or something; then what would you think it is? Phallic symbols are nothing new. They are present in our everyday lives. Here a...

Anybody can get one of those cheezy Colts Super Bowl hats. Find a store ... there's thousands of them. The one I want is that one, with the big C - and I think I know how I can get one. STEP ONE: The facts. As we learned from this New York Times article, 288 “Super Bowl XLI Champion Chicago Bears” hats and T-Shirts were shipped to places like Sierra Leone as part of the NFL’s effort to get rid of inaccurate merchandise and help people who don’t know that they’re wearing a tainted hat. Otherwise, they'd just throw them away, so they donate them to people who don't care about football. STEP TWO: The issue. I want a hat. STEP THREE: The Plan. I go to Sierra Leone – it’s a nice vacation spot, from what I’m hearing – and make a nice offer to one of the natives. I’ll buy them a cow, goat or some chickens for their farm in exchange for a hat or three. They can have my hat. I have a nice one with WIDENER on the front. It will perform all the same hat duties as the ot...

Complete domination by the Colts, as predicted by Sparky and myself. The score, however, did not bear us out. Stats-wise, (and an opening kickoff runback notwithstanding) it was one-sided. Close enough for jazz. As far as the TV, it was a bunch of lame commercials. The only ones that made me laugh were the Letterman/Oprah promo and the beard comb-over guy. $2.6 million for 30 seconds. Otherwise, I think they came up short. I never figured out why advertisers would want to spend so much for so little. Who's writing this junk? Two auto mechanics kissing over a candy bar? WTF? Suddenly, I don't think Pam is the biggest automotive idiot out there. Comparatively, you're a genius, dear. Got any candy? And by the way, um ... FedEx ... you're not weightless on the moon. For less than half of the $2.6 million, I could have told you that. Lame-Ex. I gained a new found respect for Prince, though. Not only did he do a nice half-time set, but he did it in the rain as well. I...

I buy wine based on the label. There, I said it. I'm a wine idiot ... sue me. The last one I bought had 3 mooses on it. If it has a cool label and it's less than $15, I'm all in. White with fish or red with meat? Who gives a . ... Give me a hopping kangaroo or a lot of colors. I'm a kid in a liquor store. "Look, mommy! Moose!" What a jackass. I bought one of those cat grass things last week. So, now I'm growing cat grass on my window sill. Will the cat eat it? No. What the Hell am I going to do with all this cat grass? Anybody know if I can smoke that junk? Hey ... if the cat ain't gonna eat it... Those Volkswagen commercials with the guy from Fargo doing the German accent really irritate me. Who thinks that a thick German accent is going to sell cars in America? When I hear it, all I can think of are Nazis and concentration camps. But, I drive a Ford, so what do I know? There was an ad in the newspaper for the Philadelphia Auto Show, and there a...

Sunday is the Super Bowl . America's greatest secular holiday. Since I don't care about the game or who wins, I'll be taking it in at the local sports pub. I'm thinking epic blow-out ... like that 49ers-Bengals game or the Cowboys-Bills. So, here's the guess (with a pologies to Bears fans ): Colts 37 Bears 14 Strangely, I'm rooting for the Bears, but my gut feeling is that it will be all downhill for Peyton Manning, and the Bears defense isn't all it's cracked up to be. If th e Bears win, good for them. They'll prove me and some skeptics wrong about the inadequacies of the NFC, but I'm thinking that it ain't gonna happen. By the way, my numbers in the office blo ck pool are Colts- 0 , Bears- 7 , so root for the quarter scores so I can afford those Blue Man G roup tickets. ------------------------------------------------------ I can't believe that there isn't something better to run cars on than gasoline. Pam put up a YouTube...

Switzerland's Martina Hingis in action during her fourth round win over China's Li Na at the Australian Open tennis tournament in Melbourne, Monday, Jan. 22, 2007. Hingis won in three sets 4-6 6-3 6-0. I could enjoy women's tennis a lot more if it weren't for all the grunting and screaming. I thought Maria Sharapova was giving birth on the court until I looked and saw that all she was doing was hitting a tennis ball. Geez . I wish I could find it, but I remember reading a magazine article that said it was a bad idea to yell and scream while lifting weights. Something about the pressure it puts on some delicate body parts...I forget exactly. Tennis coaches must be teaching it at an early age, because it's pervasive and unbearable. If the golfers start with it, I won't have any peace. OK, so it's a week and six days from America's greatest secular holiday (a.k.a. Super Bowl Sunday), and already I'm up to here (pointing at my throat) with t...

Overheard at the Wawa earlier this evening, while waiting for my sandwich: A kid was ordering a sandwich for her too-hip-to-order-it-himself boyfriend (complete with knit skull cap and pants around his hips), when she stopped in mid-order to ask him if regular pickles were OK, because they didn't have "summer pickles". Why did she think they would have summer pickles in January? I can't imagine being so picky about pickles that it would matter, but the kid seemed to be pondering the question, when the sandwich artist behind the counter told her that "the pickles are all the same". Whew! A narrow escape. --------------------------------------------------------------------- I'm getting a lot of Google searches from my Michelle Manhart post the other day, along with the usual Britney Spears up-skirt no-panties and our old pal Cecily Tynan. I also got a page hit from a search for "2006 salary and compensation for Zoe Cruz". Looks like somebody...