My Sick Mind

I don't know. So, there's that Newton robot thing that IBM put together to compete on Jeopardy . It won, so I hear, beating famous brainiac Ken Jennings and another guy. Jeopardy is such a fraud of a game show that it's difficult for me to get very excited about a robot made up by a huge corporation to compete on a game show that is just giving it a half hour of free advertising. It is supposed to represent artificial intelligence, but I think that Jeopardy represents artificial intelligence, so whatever the robot is doing is still a couple of steps below that as far as I'm concerned. Meanwhile, I have this DVR thing on my cable that costs me 17 bucks a month. I finally figured out something useful to do with it. I record The Late Show with Craig Ferguson every night and watch it the next day, when normal humans are awake. He's a very funny fellow (even though he is from Scotland) and it's a nice way to end my day or night. Especially, since the biggest thin...

This was a news story: Anderson Cooper may be a respected newsperson, but the CNN anchor didn't display his extensive knowledge of trivia on Thursday night's " Celebrity Jeopardy! " In a competition with actress Aisha Tyler and comedian Cheech Marin , Cooper tied for second (or, depending on how you look at it, last) place with Tyler, after Marin beat them both. With a final score that totaled $0, Cooper missed questions about world leaders, geography and literature, among other topics. By the time "Final Jeopardy" came around, he was so stumped by a question about the author of "The Wizard of Oz" that his screen displayed simply the word "Who." Who indeed. Like, "Who is on an overrated game show that is supposed to be a test of ones knowledge, when it is actually just a stupid game show?" The answer is: Jeopardy contestants. It is long removed from the days when Art Fleming hosted what was billed as a test of knowledge. Fr...

If you are anywhere near my age, you have certain deep-rooted beliefs that are based on what you learned when you were young. Mine manifested itself last night. I wandered over to Larry King Live , and his guest was Suzanne Somers, former bimbo TV star. That's the deep rooted belief, the bimbo part. It was this deep-rooted belief that caused me to stumble when I heard the following phrase from her swollen lips: "...my seventh book..." Ya gotta be kidding, me? Seven? Based on my deep-rooted belief, she should have barely finished reading seven books, never mind writing them. They are memorable, however. I remember seeing her discussing one of those books, and proclaiming that if your poop floats, you are eating right. Mine has been sinking like a stone for as long as I can remember. I don't know what I'd have to eat to make it float, but if it's a lot different than what I'm eating now, it ain't happening. I'm not eating tree bark and soy chips so I...

So, I'm walking on the treadmill at the gym, watching the closed captioned version of Jeopardy . Can life get any better? Not right now, it can't. It is without a doubt the most pretentious show on the TV, and it has been on since 1911. It is regarded as a measure of intelligence, but it's really just a TV show. And what's all this nonsense about answering with a question? WTF? That's my question. Usually, the questions and answers don't match-up. Here's an example: The category was "Before the Euro" , and Eileen asks for the $400 question. ALEX: The answer is ... The drachma. EILEEN: What is Greece? ALEX: Right. Right? If somebody asks me "What is Greece?" and I respond with "The drachma" I'm going to look like a dumbass. On Jeopardy , it's worth $400. Eileen's a genius, and I'm walking on a machine for half an hour without going anywhere. The Dumbass. Who is me?