My Sick Mind

... I'll just rant to myself until I disappear into my own mouthhole. Michelle Wie withdrew from the U.S. Open on Saturday. Perhaps it's time for Michelle to take some time and be a kid, let this wrist heal and stop drawing so much attention to herself. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. Meanwhile, weather issues are making it difficult to enjoy either Wimbledon or the U.S. Open. They have both been delayed by rain and lightning. NBC did its best in an exacta of rain-soaked sporting events on Saturday. They had rain-delay coverage of Wimbledon, when Venus Williams' match was interrupted, then had to show taped coverage of the rain-delayed second round of the Open. Confused? Me too. I'm not big on taped coverage of anything, and I didn't perk up until around 4pm when the third round started and they ran live coverage of the first few holes. Sadly, they had to stop at 6 so that the local news could saturate us with more iPhone stories. The local NBC weather guy had ...

The iPhone . Apple's answer to distracted driving and annoying people in movie theaters, concerts, at work or your local church. The more laws and rules they make, the more junk we have to inspire more laws and rules. It's technology's little joke on us. Keep chasing the technology and the technology will keep chasing you. Soon, we'll see another bunch of laws. If you thought you were annoyed by regular cell phones ... wait for this thing. Music, video, the Internet and ... oh yeah ... it's a phone, too. Gangs of gullible consumers lined up for this thing today. Among them was Philadelphia Mayor John Street , but don't go by him. He's kind of goofy to begin with. He probably thought he was in line for a cheesesteak. He called it a "management tool" and said that he will use it "to get a lot of work done." More work than he got done today, apparently, although he still got paid. He was in line for most of the day - which probably trans...

I used to watch a lot of women's tennis. I stopped when they started screaming on every shot. Not all of them scream, but there is enough of them that scream to make me turn off the TV when there's a match on, and I don't have a list of screamers and non-screamers, so I have to keep it on long enough to find out. They scream, I'm out. This weekend (and next) is the famous Wimbledon , which most people can read but not pronounce. Even some so-called professional announcers call it Wimbleton . It makes me want to scream. The screaming has gotten way out of hand. I don't know when it started, exactly, but I think it was that soft-hearted Monica Seles , who was stabbed in the back by a German (like that never happened before) and spent the rest of her life attempting a comeback. I think the people that teach tennis players to scream are the same ones teaching baseball players that they should slide into first base. PARDON ME WHILE I RANT: You cannot overrun second or t...

Every six months, rain or shine, I'm in the dentist's chair having my teeth cleaned. Preventive dentistry, they call it. I have my own ideas. While it may seem nice to have an attractive woman put her fingers in my mouth, the drama is lost on me when she breaks out the space suit. A face shield, that paper mouth guard and rubber gloves. It makes me wonder what what it says about me in my file. I had two X-rays on Wednesday. It is considerate of them to give me that lead body apron to wear, but I can't help but wonder about the logic of covering my chest and arms while my entire head is being blasted. Shouldn't they cover my head too? My brain is in there - I think. That might be more important than covering my shoulders, but I'm not a dentist, so I don't know. I didn't check, but I'm pretty sure that apron didn't cover my junk, either. Is that why is my urine is blue? There's an idea for some enterprising entrepreneur with time and materials. T...

Cyclists are a misunderstood group. We are on the periphery of sports until someone uses an illegal substance or crashes and dies, then we are front-page news. Motorists dislike us because we take up valuable shoulder space that they could be using to weave into while talking on their cell phone. Occasionally, they hurl objects out of their car windows or shout obscenities at us, which, owing to the Doppler Effect , we cannot fully understand. What we do understand is that we are best left alone, but as we know, a lack of understanding never gets in the way of government, especially in New Jersey. When it comes to rules and laws, we (the people) are reactionary. When you combine reactionary policy with ignorance, a perfect storm of nonsense breaches the shore. That storm has run aground in New Jersey, where a pack of nitwits temporarily impersonating state assemblymen have sponsored legislation designed to make life difficult for cyclists and impossible for the people who sell bicycles...

Too busy to search the web? Google scientists have uncovered a way to shave yet another second off of your life and thereby create even more opportunities for you to do more searches in less time. Confused? Me too, a little. I had no idea that I could save time by hitting the return key instead of clicking on "search" . Thanks, Google, but is it really faster? I'm going to make you proud and use that extra time to make the world a better place. Faster porn searches. I get these almost every day. Someone, somewhere must figure that ebay users are the most gullible people on the planet. This one made me giggle, though - which is no small feat. It says, "Although these emails appear to come from eBay, they are really sent by people attempting to gain access to your account." Really? Ya think? They go on to tell me that if I do not get satisfactory results from clicking on the link they provided, that I should reply directly to the e-mail. OK, sure thing. It'...

Car free Sunday doesn't necessarily involve the bicycle. Sometimes, it involves the feet, which was the case today. Today's quest was the Iroquois sculpture that was recently erected at Eakins Oval near the Art Museum - OK, the one that Rocky ran up in the movie. No, I didn't do the run - that's for tourists. I live here. Lucky for me, the bus runs out in front of my place, so I can make my way to and from the city without moving the car - provided I make it back in time. There is a 9pm curfew, or else I'm finding a room somewhere in Philadelphia. My quest was easy to find, since it's kind of big and red. It's out there in a little plot of ground north of the Art Museum. Since there wasn't much mystery in the day's outing, I decided to make the rest of it rather mundane by comparison. Lunch at The Independence Brew Pub , followed by a stroll through the Reading Terminal Market, conveniently located across the street. Marisa has many more interest...