My Sick Mind

I admit to knowing very little about foreign politics, and particularly little about the Middle East, other than they seem to hate each other times pi-squared, so it gets confusing for me to keep up with the cells, policies and hateful slogans for all of them. With that in mind, I tuned into the President's TV show on Thursday night, mostly to see how much older he looks now than a couple years ago. The first thing I noticed was a strange parallax between the Tele-PrompTer and his eyes. He was maybe seeing that speech for the second time, and he stumbled as he read. I kept creeping over to the right side of my screen so I could catch his gaze, but the bastard wouldn't look at me. Sumbitch. NBC had the speech in hi-def, so lucky me, I got to see his puss in broad detail, and I'm pretty sure I could make out scales under the make-up. Yeah, definitely scales. He rambled on a bunch of the same-old, same-old about his policies and supposed goals - stuff I'd heard befor...

Q: Why are you hitting yourself on the head? When I started this blog, one out of every five posts was some rant about the goofy Mo-Fo in the White House and whatever new stupid thing he was up to. He's an easy target, but one that wears body armor that is impervious to words. Soon, I would come to realize that he and his gang live inside their own heads, and are neither moved by our words or particularly interested in what we have to say. I gave up my ranting, figuring that I would live longer, and if I left the ranting up to the people that we elected to do it, that having them closer to the action would make what they said much more effective than anything I could come up with. All the while, I continued to get e-mail updates from the folks at MoveOn and the Democratic National Committee, asking for money and reminding me that the boob and his pals are still in Washington. I remember. For those who continue to wage war against the War in Iraq, their plaintive cries are being ...

What do these two stories have in common? NEW YORK — Americans are giving bad grades all around. President Bush ’s job approval rating now stands at 31 percent, the lowest ever in the FOX News poll , and almost twice as many Americans say they disapprove of the president’s job performance. And this... Giants outfielder Barry Bonds overcame a 119,000-vote deficit in the final days of balloting and finished 123,000 votes ahead of Alfonso Soriano on Sunday to claim the third and final starting outfield spot for the National League. In a vote taken to determine how many people want to see Bonds pass Henry Aaron turned up 52 percent against , so one man's poll is another man's poison . Two men reviled for different reasons, one is the most powerful man in the world and the other is grabbing headlines and money while breaking the most cherished record in sports. Barry Bonds earned $106 million in the last 6 years, after completing a 5-year $90 million dollar contract. President Bush...

If I had a tongue like that, I'd never leave the house. As it was, I had trouble leaving today after a Saturday night of bar-hopping in the city. A giant self-guided walking circle of self destruction with 3 bike-riding buddies that began at Monk's for beer and dinner, moved on to Bob and Barbara's for some local jazz and culminated at Doc Watson's for - well - I don't remember. I'm a dangerous drinker when I'm not driving. I think psychologically I figure that as long as I'm being picked up and dumped off without using my car keys, I can test my limits, and they were tested. All arrived home safely, though, and I imagine by now my friends are arranging my intervention . I think I was still legally intoxicated when I woke up at 9 this morning. Good times. I'm not watching either the NHL Hockey playoffs or the NBA basketball playoffs, but I understand something strange happened on Saturday. NBC bailed out of the Ottawa-Buffalo game a 5pm on Saturd...

DENVER, Colorado - Mary and Ray Smith can't make heads or tails of a new presidential dollar coin they found last week. It doesn't have either. A week after the revelation that some of the coins slipped out of the U.S. mint without "In God We Trust" stamped on the edge, the Smiths said Tuesday they found one with nothing stamped on either flat side. It does have "In God We Trust" on the edge. What's missing is the image of George Washington on the front and the Statue of Liberty on the back. Instead, the Smith's coin is just smooth, shiny, golden metal. One of a group of the misstruck new presidential dollar coins (right) that has the 'In God We Trust' lettering stamped on the edge, but showing no presidential face, is displayed next to a new presidential dollar showing President George Washington, left . Oh, you lucky people! The coin you found is a mistake. The Mint accidentally struck a George W. Bush dollar, not scheduled for production u...

I was an hour late for work today. I set my alarm ahead an hour, too. I thought that’s how it was supposed to work. Otherwise, what’s the point? It's not really an extra hour of daylight, like they tell us it is. It just moves it to a place where we can enjoy it, but why should I lose sleep over it? Another great idea brought to you by the Shrub and his Posse of Pussies. An extra hour of late-afternoon daylight was the best idea that they could come up with to ease our energy problems. Move the clocks, George . I only wish I could have been a fly on the wall during that MENSA-esque brainstorming session. Come to think of it, as a fly, I'd be the smartest one in the room. Then, I was checking the QVC and they were selling this Dragon voice-activated software for your computer. Surf the web, make document files and generally get around on your PC by speaking the commands. Great. Now, not only do we have to put up with the obnoxious cell phone clowns engaging us in their persona...

I'm bored. I'm phoning this one in. It's night 68 of 88 consecutive nights of American Idol . The boys. The girls. The chimpanzees. The Results Show. The Banality. Isn't America sick of this yet? I should look on the bright side, it's saving me tons on my electric bill. I only wish my cable company would charge me only when the TV is on. Come to think of it, shouldn't they? Today's Question: What do you call three newspapers who drop Ann Coulter's column? Answer: A good start. NEW YORK (Reuters) - Three newspapers said this week they will drop Ann Coulter's column after the conservative author referred to U.S. Democratic presidential candidate John Edwards as a "faggot". The Mountain Press in Sevierville, Tennessee; The Oakland Press in Michigan and the Lancaster New Era in Pennsylvania said they would stop running Coulter's syndicated column because of the comment she made last week. Well, it ain't exactly the Inquirer or the...

A float depicting U.S. President George W. Bush being spanked by the Statue Of Liberty passes by during the Rose Monday carnival parade in Mainz, western Germany, on Monday, February 19, 2007. Thousands of spectators attended the traditional street carnival parade in the state of Rhineland-Palatinates's capital. (AP Photo/Bernd Kammerer) A carnival float carries a large papier-mache figure of U.S. President George W. Bush and Iran's President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. The annual six-day carnival, which peaks on Rose Monday when millions of people watch processions in major cities, is famous for its tradition of crude political satire and beer-guzzling crowds. The words on the float reads, 'Armpit of Evil'. REUTERS/Ina Fassbender (GERMANY) MAYBE THIS HAS SOMETHING TO DO WITH IT? An Army honor guard carries the casket of Sgt. John T. Bubeck, of Collegeville, Pa., during funeral services at Arlington National Cemetery in Arlington, Va. in this Jan. 9, 2007 file photo. Bubeck...

President George W. Bush hands back a crying baby that was handed to him from the crowd as he arrived for an outdoor dinner with German Chancellor Angela Merkel in Trinwillershagen, Germany, July 13, 2006. Five Reasons Why the Kid is Crying: George told the kid that he's gonna go to Iraq in 17 years. It's Mary Cheney's kid. George peed on him. The baby found out that Rumsfeld was Mary's sperm donor. Wouldn't you be crying if George was holding you? Merry Christmas kid.

I think I've told you, but in case you weren't paying attention, I watch that Dancing With the Stars show long enough to see Cheryl , then I'm tuned out. Sorry, but I'm not even sure who the other "stars" are (outside of Emmitt), so she has my undivided attention. Fortunately for me, she and Emmett have survived another week. My Tuesday's are full. ------------------------------------------------------------------- Yesterday, in my fine home-state of New Jersey: TRENTON - Same-sex couples in New Jersey must be given all the benefits and rights enjoyed by married men and women, but state lawmakers will have to decide whether they can officially wed, the state's highest court ruled Wednesday. Groups like the New Jersey Coalition to Preserve and Protect Marriage, Focus on the Family and the New Jersey Family Policy Council oppose same-sex marriages. As if opposite-sex marriages have been such a great success. By the way, I'll bet a week's pay tha...