My Sick Mind

"To you I say, it is only with adversity that we even have a chance at greatness. Adversity is your opportunity." - Ann Curry One of the downsides of expansion - be it sports or media - is the dilution of talent. More teams or more networks translates into more opportunities to hire nitwits and incompetents. Now that there are a thousand news outlets and only so many eligible talking heads, one wonders what the talent level has become for big media. Ask no longer: After taking the stage to launch into the school's 175th commencement address, "Today" show co-host Ann Curry sought to drive home the inspirational content of her speech by ticking off the names of a few of the school's more illustrious alums. Among the entries on the Curry honor roll : " 60 Minutes " correspondent Lesley Stahl , evangelist Billy Graham, slasher-film director Wes Craven, and United Airlines Flight 93 passenger Todd Beamer . There was just one problem: Apart from St...

Regular readers (if I have any) know that in the past I've railed against the bane of television , American Idol . Sadly, it is very popular and has led to a bunch of copycat programs too numerous to mention. I have been cynical of the show and its format, saying things such as this: I think you're seeing the show for what it is: A manipulative, ridiculous excuse for a talent show that has for years, adjusted its audience in such a way as to present what they feel are people worthy of recording contracts. Otherwise, how could you possibly explain the idea of whittling down a few hundred thousand contestants to six without knowing the outcome beforehand? Alas, one former contestant, a Junot Joyner, has come out and said words to that effect. I don't know anything about him other than he is a former contestant and subsequent loser. In addition to being a self-proclaimed "troublemaker" he accuses the show of rigging the outcome. In an online chat, he described t...

If yesterday was Photo of the Day (and it was) then today stands to be Word of the Day. The word today is pointless . Used in a sentence: Amerian Idol is pointless. Several headlines across the Internet (capital I) urged us to click (the cyber version of peer pressure) to find out whom the winner was (I bet none of them used whom) of the latest installment of America's favorite game show, American Idol - as though there is a celebrity shortage that television is working to correct. Believe it or not, I resisted the urge, as I do with several urges. I also resisted the urge to see the winner of Tuesday's Dancing with the Stars , which has become more of a dancing show than a star show, but I digress. It's beyond my scope of reasoning to figure out how hundreds of thousands of contestants can logically be broken down to eight or ten finalists without knowing the outcome beforehand. There is too much left to chance to imagine that the producers of a multi-million dollar ...

The cat looks sad. It's hard to tell with cats. Maybe he's just looking at me and reflecting? The good news is that I got a check in the mail today. That's always nice. And it wasn't one of those phony $2 rebate checks (remember those?) that cost more to process and send than the check was worth. This one was a check for $198 from my dentist. It seems my insurance paid too much and he returned the excess. I'm way too cynical to have expected that. I think most physicians would have pocketed it and left the patient to wonder what happened to all that extra money my health insurance paid out. Most of you know the disdain with which I view American Idol . There's another show, the grammatically hideous Britain's Got Talent that exposed dowdy Susan Boyle to the world via YouTube. The idea that no one wants to explore is that her voice, while nice, is made more so by her plain, if not unattractive looks. OK, she's kind of funny looking. Celebrities (even...

Our long national nightmare begins anew tonight, as "American Idol" starts what seems like its 50th season on television - but it's really only the eighth. Critics are wondering if the addition of a fourth judge and some other program modifications will kill the franchise. One can only hope. Meanwhile ... AUSTIN, TEXAS – "American Idol" wants an Austin strip club to take it off. The company that owns the popular television show sued in federal court to stop the weekly "Stripper Idol" contest at Palazio Men's Club. FremantleMedia North America also wants to seize Palazio's profits from the amateur stripping contest. Just what FreemantleMedia and the Idol producers need ... more money. Don't you think that, at some point the producers would be happy to have most of America by the short hairs, making money hand over fist? No, now they have to kill the rest of us. "Defendants are infringing upon FremantleMedia's trademark rights,...

I continue to be amazed by the amount of media coverage that Dancing with the Stars and American Idol receive. Maybe I’m being too pragmatic, but in a country with 305 million people living in 110 million households where 109 million of them have at least 1 TV, why are we be bombarded with stories about programs that supposedly have 18.5 million and 25 million viewers respectively? To me, it seems that the much larger number of people are off doing something else . Granted, they’re the highest-rated shows on TV, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that they have to be foist upon us. I'd like to know what the other 280 million people are doing. That's probably far more interesting. Here’s an interesting fact: 18.5 million people watched the regular Dancing with the Stars episode, but only 17 million watched the “results” show that immediately followed. Am I to believe that 9 percent of their viewers turned the show off before they found out who won? Perhaps I’m a frustrated s...

I've gotten hundreds of page hits from Paula Abdul searches over the past week, and the result they come to is a silly essay I wrote about going to the dentist , in which I happened to mention that Paula was on the Regis and Kelly show. So that they aren't further wasting their time, I feel obligated to chime in on the latest flap of my least favorite television show, American Idol, beating a dead horse, as it were. I'm assuming the searches are over her so-called flub last week when she critiqued a second song by a singer who hadn't sung it yet. That is leading to all sorts of questions and issues over the comment. There is only one explanation that makes any sense: The show is scripted and the results are pre-determined. That should come as no surprise to regular readers who have seen me lambaste the program over the years because I never believed that it was a credible talent show, and often question its motives. The show is fixed. How else could one explain whi...

I'm feeling overly cynical today. Go figure. It's a short trip from my general cynical mode to the "overly" mode, so you'll forgive me if I seem a bit put off. First, it was Major League baseball and their unusual rules, combined with the magic of cable TV to start me off for the night. I returned at 7:15 from a pleasurable bike ride to flip on the start of the Phillies-Mets game that I was told was on ESPN2 - in Hi-Definition - for which I pay a premium. But the game wasn't on ESPN2. Instead, it was on Regular-Def Comcast channel 8 in a fuzzy square screen that, if I wanted, I would have kept my old TV. I'm guessing that Major League Baseball or Comcast (equally spawns of Satan) have some rule involving the broadcast of a game in a local city, which means we here in the greater Philadelphia area have to slum-it with the fuzzy TV picture while the rest of the country gets the Hi-Def. That makes good nonsense. Meanwhile, I'm paying for the Hi-Definiti...

When you were a kid and you would make some kind of goofy face, your mother would tell you, “If you don’t stop, your face will stay that way!” While most of us never believed it, I think it’s true in a different way. Tonight, the seventh season of television’s version of the Goofy Face starts up again, and the slow erosion of what passes for entertainment continues. It’s called American Idol , and in case you don’t already know, I despise this program and everything it stands for. You started watching it because it looked kind of interesting, and because the first few shows featured people who sang so badly that dogs covered their ears, but not badly enough to be kept off of television. It’s beyond bad, but who doesn’t like a good train wreck? You are repulsed yet you cannot look away. Maybe one of your friends showed up at what they call “talent searches” in a city nearby because they figured that the producers were actually listening and that they might think they were good enoug...

Uggh. This guy again. He's got to be at 14:59 by now. I like the way they have to keep reminding us that he's "the 30 year old", as though his Time Tunnel looks will make us realize that he's probably getting AARP membership applications in the mail. After that stunning Ford commercial , the sky is the limit for the guy that "captured the hearts and minds of more than 63.4 million", several of whom voted for him multiple times. Trace those calls next time. I'll bet they got the 3.4 million right. The 6 I'm not so sure of. I like the part of the commercial where they focus on his feet. They're both moving. Amazing . And what a voice .... static set to music. Meanwhile, I've figured out a way to save 100% on tickets. I'm not buying them. How do I block that e-mail address?

My fellow Americans, our long national nightmare is over. - Gerald R. Ford, August 9, 1974 Television has answered the call, and has created yet another celebrity in a nation where there are so few of them that people will spend countless hours in front of the TV and countless dollars on the telephone voting to decide. Supposedly, the votes were counted and we were led to believe that the nationwide call narrowed the field down to a high-school kid and another guy with skunk-streaked hair and a gimmick. America has settled for the 17-year old, and they seemingly could not be happier. I, on the other hand, bewail the sorry state of entertainment that allows hard working entertainers to wallow in anonymity while a kid who shows up for a TV program is instantly gratified. "It turned out pretty cool," she said. No kidding, kid. What American Idol does, in the final analysis is prove that there is indeed no accounting for tastes. There is, however, accounting for the dollars that...

Most of my regular readers know the contempt with which I hold American Idol and its participants. If you don't, you can do a simple "blog search" and find out. Take all the time you need. Earlier this week, they did something that they called Idol Gives Back , which conjures up several jokes which you can make up on your own, or if you'd like, you can e-mail me and I will send to you. Either way, it was a sham of a fraud, which follows in line with the rest of the show. LOS ANGELES - An American Idol charity special filled with wrenching pictures of impoverished children and celebrity appeals raised more than $600 million, Fox said Thursday A total of $5 million was pledged by Fox parent company News Corp., which gave 10 cents for each of the first 50 million votes received for contestants on Tuesday's show. More than 70 million votes were cast, a record for the show, Fox said. Oh, Fox, you generous bastards. Or not. What about the money from the other 20 mi...

I saw a little of Rich Little at the White House Correspondents Dinner on Saturday night on the CSpan. I say "a little" not to be coy, but because impressionists creep me out. They seem so excited about being able to "do" someones voice, then they go about making up junk that the person is supposed to say. Little was "doing" Andy Rooney [one of my writing heroes] and he starts by telling us that he will "do" Andy, [creepy] and then goes into the "Ever notice" junk and telling jokes like "I wonder, if you wanted to grow seedless watermelon, what would you plant?" The president laughed, because he didn't know either. So that Sangina guy is off American Idol ? I saw some clips of him on another show and it sounds like he was lucky to get as far as he did. I suppose there's a record deal coming. Meanwhile, the show is advertising something they are calling American Idol Gives Back. Great. They have made about 18 trill...

Too tired to go to the gym, so I decided to sit and relax in front of my friend, the TV. These were my choices tonight: Nancy Grace debating for the one-millionth time, the controversy over the fate of Anna Nicole's baby. Holy crap, Nancy. Open a newspaper and find something else to talk about, will ya? Please. Dancing with the Stars , which, in spite of the dearth of stars, continues with the dancing. Even Cheryl Burke wasn't enough to keep me tuned in. Seemingly, for three hours it went on - some "results show" or something. "Results" of what, I have no idea. Boring. On several channels, the ongoing nonsense over some stupid remarks made by a radio host who long ago was irrelevant, and only now has found a voice, common sense notwithstanding. Anus, I think his name is. Meanwhile, the piling on continues, with bystanders becoming interested parties. Include me out. Jim Cramer screaming about Charter Communications , and telling his viewers that if they bid...

The treadmills in our gym sit in front of a bank of televisions, tuned to various channels. Almost always, one is tuned to Fox News. Tonight, on one of their stupid shows, the host was interviewing some kid who started crying for one of those American Idol contestants. Supposedly, the one she was crying for didn't get eliminated [I'm piecing this together from closed-captioning] and everybody figures it's because of the kid. Apparently, the kid is some sort of cult figure, because she was sitting there with her mom, literally inhaling their 15 minutes of fame, and the stupid host was gushing over the kid (I could tell by the way he was gushing) and the kid was giggling and the mom was looking as though she couldn't be more proud. Then, the host said something and the kid started to giggle, then the mom and the host started laughing because the kid was being so darned cute. It was at that precise moment that I started to squirt my water bottle directly into my nos...

When the Deathmobile is heading toward the parade grandstand at the end of Animal House, Dean Vernon Wormer stares blankly into the screen, and to no one in particular, quietly proclaims, "I hate those guys." That's the same way I feel about the people running American Idol . In the end, they're going to win, because money goes to people who appeal to the masses. But I don't have to like it (and I don't) and neither do I have to approve of their methods for attracting audience or running what they refer to as "entertainment". Here's what the people running the show had to say about the ramifications of what I posted on Friday : PASADENA, Calif. - The Fox television network chief on Saturday dismissed talk of unusual cruelty by the judges on "American Idol" this year, saying he's heard from people who think the show has been toned down. "I think it's part of what makes "American Idol" "American Idol,...

Overheard at the Wawa earlier this evening, while waiting for my sandwich: A kid was ordering a sandwich for her too-hip-to-order-it-himself boyfriend (complete with knit skull cap and pants around his hips), when she stopped in mid-order to ask him if regular pickles were OK, because they didn't have "summer pickles". Why did she think they would have summer pickles in January? I can't imagine being so picky about pickles that it would matter, but the kid seemed to be pondering the question, when the sandwich artist behind the counter told her that "the pickles are all the same". Whew! A narrow escape. --------------------------------------------------------------------- I'm getting a lot of Google searches from my Michelle Manhart post the other day, along with the usual Britney Spears up-skirt no-panties and our old pal Cecily Tynan. I also got a page hit from a search for "2006 salary and compensation for Zoe Cruz". Looks like somebody...

It's the third Tuesday in January. The Sixteenth day of the year. Nothing special, right? Au Contraire . It's a big day in history. For instance: in 1547 , Ivan the Terrible became the Tsar of Russia. No relation to George the Jackass, Tsar of America. In 1909 , Ernest Shackleton found the magnetic South Pole. Like we wouldn't have found it anyway. The guy had a heavy coat and a big magnet. Finding things was a lot easier when we didn't know where anything was. In 1581 , the English Parliament outlawed Roman Catholicism. Another great idea whose time has come. In 1919 , the 18 th Amendment of the Constitution was ratified, authorizing Prohibition. A dark day in our history. What a colossal waste of time. Have a drink to celebrate. It's the birthday of Sade (pronounced Shar -day), Kate Moss (pronounced Kate Moss), A.J. Foyt and Susan Sontag. Got the day off work? Those aren't even the biggest things about Tuesday. If you have watched Fox (not the News, the r...

For the third year in a row, American Idol , Fox's ratings winner, will command the highest advertising prices on television, with a 30-second spot going for $500,000 to $700,000 , Advertising Age reported Thursday. The network will charge the most during Tuesday night's performance show, with Wednesday night's results show remaining the second-most pricey hour of TV. This estimate doesn't include, of course, what advertisers will end up paying for 30 seconds of commercial time during Idol 's finale. Companies ponied up $1.3 million for spots this year. It's hard for me to imagine that marketers are getting their money's worth out of a half million dollars for an advertisement. During the commercials, I'm imagining most people on the phone to their friends complaining about the one who didn't advance or cheering about the one who did. Watching a Gap ad may be the last on the list of priorities that may include: A bathroom break (for pur...